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NO.  CCXCVIII. 


FRENCH’S  MINOR  DRAMA. 

Jilin.  tDili.n. 

'\&GG> 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  BOBIHf 


%,  <#ar«,  in  ®fao  §,cts. 


BY  CHARLES  MATHEWS. 


TO  WHICH  ARK  ADDED 


A Description  of  the  Costume— Cast  of  the  Characters— Entrances  and  Exits— 
Relative  Position;!  of  the  Performers  on  the  Stage,  and 
the  whole  of  the  Stage  Business. 


AS  NOW  PERFORMED  AT  THE  PRINCIPAL  ENGLISH 


AND  AMERICAN  THEATRES. 


NEW  YORK: 

SAMUEL  FRENCH  & SON. 

POLISHERS, 

88  East  14th  St,,  Union  Square. 


LONDON: 

Samuel  French, 


PUBLISHER, 

89  STRAND. 


i) 


nS/C^E^E-TTIE3  BOX. 

Containing  Rouge,  Pearl  Powder,  Whiting,  Mongolian,  Ruddy  Rouge,  Violet  Powder, 
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Camel  Hair  Brushes,  Hare's  Foot,  Wool,  Craped  Hair,  Cold  Cream,  Joining  Paste,  Min- 
iatiu  Puffs,  Scissors  and  Looking  Glass,  packed  neatly  in  Strong  Fancy  Card-board 
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THE  ABO dgAggg fJjUfigjL  SEE  CATALOGUE. 

nr  huhbk.  n i •• ; A 

— . • . 


NO.  CCXCVIII. 


FRENCH’S  MINOR  DRAMA 

®lj t feting  ® Ir 1 1 x o n • 


WIIO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 

%,  Juice,  in  f (ho  <Acfs. 


BY  CHARLES  MATHEWS, 


TO  WHICH  ARE  ADDED 


A Description  of  the  Costume— Cast  of  the  Characters — Entrances  and  Exits — 
Relative  Positions  of  the  Performers  on  the  Stage,  and 
the  whole  of  the  Stage  Business. 


AS  NOW  PERFORMED  AT  THE  PRINCIPAL  ENGLISH 
AND  AMERICAN  THEATRES. 


NEW  YORK: 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  PUBLISHER 

122  Nassau  Street,  (Up  Stairs.) 


CAST  OF  CHARACTERS. — Who  Killed  Cock  Robin  ? 


Theatre  Royal , Olympic , 


London,  1865.  New  York , 1866. 

.AfoZ  Tinkle Mr.  Chippendale.  Mr.  J.  H.  Stoddart. 

Jade  Raggett .Mr.  Charles  Mathews.  Mr.  E.  L.  Davenport. 

Satanella Mrs.  Charles  Mathews.  Mrs.  John  Wood. 

Hannah Mrs.  Fitzwilliam.  Miss  Eliza  Newton. 


PERIOD— PRESENT. 

Time  in  Performance— One  Hour  and  fifteen  minutes . 


RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  EXITS,  &c. 

R.  means  Right;  L.,  Left;  R.  H.,  Right  Hand;  L.  H.,  Left 
Hand  ; C.,  Centre ; S.  E.,  (or  2d  E.,)  Second  Entrance  ; U.  E.,  Up- 
per Entrance  ; M.  D. , Middle  Door  ; F. , the  Flat ; D.  F. , Door  in 
Flat ; R.  C.,  Right  of  Centre  ; L.  C.,  Left  of  Centre. 

R.  R.  C.  C.  L.  C.  L. 


* * The  reader  is  supposed  to  he  upon  the  Stage,  facing  the  audienoe. 


J 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  HO  BIN  ? 


ACT  I. 

SCENE. — A Drawing-Room  ; table  at  bach , l.  ; chairs  ; sofa , r.  c.  ; fire - 

place  with  looking-glass  over  it,  r.  1 e.  ; door,  2 E.  ; door  open,  c.  ; door , 

L.  2 e.  ; window,  l.  1 e. 

Enter  Tinkle,  r.  cfoor,  with  shaving-jug  in  his  hand. 

Tinkle  [Calling]  Hannah  ! Bless  my  soul,  how  I’ve  slept  this 
morning  ; I’m  getting  a regular  dormouse  ; my  shaving  water  is  as 
cold  as  ice.  Hannah  ! dear,  dear,  how  slow  that  girl  is  ! If  I wasn’t 
used  to  her  she’d  almost  put  me  out,  and  it  takes  a good  deal  to  do 
that  ; anything  for  a quiet  life,  that  is  my  motto.  Talking  of  a 
quiet  life,  what  a delicious  dream  I had  last  night — stupid  things, 
dreams  ! I dreamt  I was  fishing  in  a little  round  pond  with  a bit  of 
string  and  a crooked  pin,  and  I kept  catching  turbots  and  codfish 
as  fast  as  I could  pull  them  out ; and  I was  living  in  a little  white 
villa  with  emerald  green  blinds  and  scarlet  flower-pots  ; with  a little 
fountain  in  front,  nearly  a foot  high.  Ah  ! shall  I ever  see  that 
dream  realized?  It’s  the  height  of  my  ambition  ; I don’t  care  about 
the  turbots  or  the  codfish  ; but  a white  villa  with  emerald  green 
blinds  and  scarlet  flower-pots,  and  above  all,  a little  fountain  about 
a foot  high,  that’s  my  idea  of  Paradise  ! So,  as  soon  as  I have  mar- 
ried my  daughter  off — Hannah  ! Hannah  ! Bless  my  soul ! Hannah  ! 
Hannah  ! Where  the  deuce  can  the  girl  be  ? 

Enter Hannah,  r.  door. 

Hannah  Why,  here  I am,  sir ! 

Tin  Didn’t  you  hear  me  call  ? 

Han  In  course  I did,  sir,  I heerd  you  call  me  ; I heerd  you  call  me 
four  times  quite  distinct. 

Tin  Then,  why  didn’t  you  come  at  once? 

Han  I was  having  my  dinner,  sir.  You  wouldn’t  begrudge  a poor 
girl  her  dinner,  sir — would  you  ? Ah  ! that  you  wouldn’t ! 

Tin  Well — no! 

Han  No,  that  you  wouldn’t— you’re  too  good-natured  for  that; 
you  are  always  so  good-natured,  and  patient,  and  quiet,  it’s  a pleas- 
ure to  wait  on  you. 

Tin  Yes  ! but  you  don’t  wait  on  me  ; it’s  I who  have  to  wait  on 
you.  Bring  me  some  more  hot  water,  that  I may  get  shaved  ; and 


4 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


tell  me,  Hannah, — there  seems  to  he  a most  remarkable  tranquillity 
in  the  house  this  morning.  Isn’t  my  daughter  well  ? 

Iian  Oh,  yes,  sir!  Miss  Satanella’s  gone  out. 

Tin  Ah  ! that’s  it,  then.  I thought  there  must  he  something. 

Han  Young  missus  makes  us  jump  about — don’t  she,  sir?  I never 
can  make  out  how  one  so  peaceable  and  quiet  as  you  are  should  have 
6 daughter  so — 

Tin  So  stormy,  eh  ? 

Han  Yes,  sir  ; she’s  a regular  hurricane,  ain't  she  ? 

Tin  Why,  you  see,  Hannah,  it’s  a singular  world,  and  odd  things 
are  always  happening  in  it.  If  any  one  had  told  me,  when  I was 
quietly  manufacturing  muffins  in  the  Minories,  that  I should  ever 
go  and  marry  a wife  in  Mexico,  I should  have  exclaimed — “ Non- 
sense, sir!” 

Han  And  did  you  ? 

Tin  Did  I ? I rather  think  I did  ! I’d  a relation  there — a distant 
relation — and  hearing  that  muffins  were  unknown  in  those  savage 
regions  I resolved  to  speculate,  and  off  I went.  Oh  ! Hannah  ! such 
a success — all  Mexico  was  muffin  mad  ! You  should  have  seen  how 
the  money  tumbled  in.  Why,  I’d  a dozen  little  black  boys  in  white 
nightcaps  always  at  work — and  a great  bouncing  Mexican  shop  girl, 
with  eyes  like  blue  bottles,  and  eyelashes — like  blacking  brushes.  I 
was  regularly  in  for  it,  and  Hymen  soon  bound  me  with  his  fetters. 

Han  What ! did  you  go  and  marry  a blackamoor  ? 

Tin  She  wasn’t  a blackamoor,  Hannah,  she  was  only  a lovely  cop- 
per. And  so  you  see  how  I accidentally  became  father  to  a Mexican 
daughter — and  all  owing  to  muffins ! 

Han  Then  that’s  the  way  you  and  Miss  Satanella  come  to  be  so 
different  like  ? 

Tin  Exactly.  The  same  blood,  you  see,  but  warmed  up  with  the 
climate. 

Han  I see  ; and  Miss  Satanella  takes  after  her  Mexican  ma  ? 

Tin  Yes,  she  keeps  up  the  fire,  and  I let  her  burn  out  like  her  late 
mother.  Why  even  now  doesn’t  she  want  to  marry  that  depraved 
young  monkey,  Robin  Brittletop — a little  imp  I can’t  endure  ? 

Han  Well,  she  does  love  her  little  Robin — her  little  “Cock  Robin,” 
as  she  calls  him,  that’s  a fact. 

Tin  Of  course  she  does.  Her  little  “ Cock  Robin,’’  indeed!  Yes, 
and  you’ll  see  she’ll  marry  him,  too,  in  spite  of  me,  and  I shall  con- 
sent in  spite  of  myself,  I know  I shall.  It  'll  be  Mrs.  Tinkle  over 
again.  Whenever  X said , “I  wont,”  she  said,  “I  will!” 

Han  And  then  you  said  ? 

Tin  Nothing. 

Han  And  in  that  way  you  always  used  to  agree,  sooner  or  later. 

Tin  Yes,  always. 

Han  Holloa ! what’s  the  matter  now,  I wonder?  [ Going  to  win- 
dow, l.]  Only  a row  with  a cab. 

Tin  Of  course.  That’s  why  I hate  cabs — aiways  rows. 

Han  There’s  quite  a crowd  at  the  door. 

Tin  At  our  door  ? 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


5 


Han  Shall  I go  and  see  what  it  is  ? 

Tin  No  ; it’s  no  business  of  ours.  Get  my  hot  water. 

Enter  Satanella  from  door , c.  She  walks  about  the  stage  in  a state  of  grea 
agitation • 

Tin  Holloa  ! child,  is  that  you  ? 

Sat  [t Sharply ] Yes,  it’s  me.  Good  morning. 

Tin  What’s  the  matter  ? 

Sat  Nothing.  I’m  in  a passion,  that’s  all. 

Tin  Oh,  is  that  all  ? But  what  has  happened  ? What  have  you 
been  about  ? 

Sat  I’ve  been  giving  a gentleman  a box  on  the  ear. 

Tin  A gentleman  ? 

Sat  Yes,  the  impertinent  fellow. 

Tin  Why,  what  did  he  do  ? 

Sat  Do,  indeed  ! The  impudent  coxcomb  had  the  impertinence  to 
pop  his  head  under  my  hat  and  exclaim,  “ my  wig  ! what  a pretty 
girl !” 

Tin  Bless  me  ! was  that  all  ? And  you  took  offence  at  that  ? What 
would  you  have  done  if  he  had  called  you  ugly  ? 

Sat  Oh,  papa,  your  apathy  will  be  the  death  of  me.  Wasn’t  your 
daughter  insulted  ? and  you  calmly  ask  me — however  I taught  him 
a lesson — I’ve  taught  him  never  again  to 

Tin  To  call  you  a pretty  girl.  No  ; I think  he’ll  modify  his  opin- 
ion next  time,  [&$  Hannah  waiting.']  What  are  you  doing  there  ? 
Where’s  my  hot  water  ? 

Han  Oh  lawk  ! I forgot  the  hot  water.  [Aside.]  Ain’t  she  a 
peppery  one  ? [Exit,  r.  door. 

Sat  [Suddenly  changing  her  tone]  Oh,  papa  ! I’ve  got  such  a lovely 
arrangement  of  the  “ Guards’  Waltz.”  Tra,  la,  la,  la.  [Waltzing. 

Tin  [Aside]  What  a child  it  is — just  like  her  mother!  She  used 
always  to  dance  after  she’d  boxed  my  ears. 

[Satanella  still  waltzing  and  singing. 

Enter  Hannah,  door  r. 

Han  [Aside]  Now  she’s  dancing,  I do  declare.  [Aloud.]  Here’s  your 
hot  water,  sir.  [She  begins  to  dance  at  door,  r. 

Tin  That’s  right.  Put  it  on  the  man  tie  piece.  This  room’s  nice 
and  light.  You  don’t  mind  my  shaving  here,  do  you,  Satanella? 

Sat  No  [Aside  to  Hannah]  Any  letter  from  Boulogne  ? 

Han  No,  miss  ; and  the  postman’s  been  by  this  half  hour. 

[Exit  door,  r. 

Sat  [To  herself]  It’s  very  strange  ! Three  days  since  Robin  went 
to  Boulogne,  and  not  a line—  not  a word.  Oh  ! if  I wasn't  sure  of 
his  love — but,  perhaps  some  accident — there  are  so  many  on  those 
dreadful  railways.  [Goes  suddenly  up  to  her  father,  who  is  shaving  himself 
at  the  glass.]  Papa  ! 

Tin  Eh — what  ? You  nearly  made  me  cut  myself. 

Sat  Don’t  you  think  it’s  odd,  yourself  ? 

Tin  What’s  odd  ? 


6 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Sat  Three  whole  days,  and  not  a line — not  a word. 

Tin  Who — what  ? Oh,  Robin  i [Aside]  As  if  I cared.  [Aland]  He 
had  business,  you  know,  at  Boulogne.  Give  him  time — give  him 
time.  [Goes  on  shaving. 

Sat  [Pacing  the  room]  Give  him  time,  indeed.  I don't  expect  him 
back,  but  he  might  write.  Three  whole  days  without  writing. 
What  can  he  be  about  ? What  can  he  be  doing  ? Something  must 
have  happened. 

Tin  Don't  go  stamping  about  the  room  in  that  way.  You  shake 
the  looking-glass. 

Sat  Ah,  papa,  you  don'j;  know  what  love  is.  [Sits. 

Tin  I beg  your  pardon.  I knew  what  it  was  before  you  were  born  ; 
and  I can  assure  you,  if  you’d  only  reflect  coolly  and  calmly  oi>  the 
subject- 

Sat  Three  whole  months  since  I first  met  Robin  ! Three  whole 
months  have  we  been  kept  waiting  to  be  married  by  these  horrid 
English  forms  and  formalities ! Why  can’t  people  get  married 
without  banns  and  settlements  and  lawyers  and  parsons  ? 

Tin  Well,  some  people  do  manage  without — [suddenly] — but  they 
are  very  wrong. 

Sat  Well,  at  any  rate,  when  he  does  come  back,  there’ll  be  no 
obstacle  then. 

Tin  Oh,  won’t  there,  though  ? 

Sat  [Throwing  dawn  chair  as  she  rises , and  rushing  to  her  father]  What ! 
there  will  be,  papa  ? 

Tin  [Gutting  himself]  Ah  ! there,  you’ve  done  it ! 

Sat  Done  what  ? 

Tin  I’ve  cut  myself.  I knew  I should. 

Sat  [Seizing  his  chin  with  the  towel.]  Oh  ! never  m.nd,  papa,  it’s 
nothing. 

Tin  I know  it’s  not,  but  it  stings  for  all  that. 

Sat  It  will  soon  stop. 

Tin  Now,  look  here,  Sataneila,  if  you  want  to  talk  to  me,  talk  to 
me  at  a distance.  I can  always  hear  much  better  a little  way  off. 

Sat  [Picking  up  the  chair  and  giving  piece  of  it  to  Tinkle.]  Oh ! very 
well,  papa.  Here. 

Tin  I don’t  want  it.  [Takes piece  of  chair. 

Sat  Papa ! papa  ! 

Tin  What  now  ? 

Sat  [Giving  the  rest  of  the  chair]  Here,  papa.  But  you  said  there  was 
an  obstacle — what  is  it  ? What  more  is  wanting  ! 

Tin  My  consent. 

Sat  Your  consent  ? 

Tin  Of  course.  You  can’t  marry  without  my  consent — that's  the 
law  here. 

Sat  I’m  ashamed  of  you,  papa.  What  l because  you  don’t  love 
'ay  Robin,  I'm  not  to  love  him  either  ? 

Tin  Oh,  yes  ; you  may  love  him — but  that’s  all. 

Sat  And  I’m  not  to  marry  him  unless  you  love  him  too  ? 

Tin  No. 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 7 

Sat  That's  the  law  here,  is  it — and  free  and  independent  electors 
submit  quietly  to  such  rubbish  ? 

Tin  [ Wiping  the  razor  and  putting  it  on  mantel-piece.']  They  do,  they  do, 
my  child.  As  to  Robin — 

Sat  Oh,  papa,  I love  him. 

Tin  He  hasn’t  got  sixpence — 

Sat  Poor  Robin  ! 

Tin  And  passes  his  existence  with  af  glass  of  pale  ale  in  one  hand 
and  a billiard  cue  in  the  other. 

Sat  And  yet  I love  him.  [Crosses  to  r. 

Tin  You’ll  be  wretched  together. 

Sat  What!  with  Robin — my  own  little  “ Cock  Robin!”  I tell 
you  I love  him.  [Tinkle  hums  a tune.]  Then  you  won’t  give  your 
consent  ? 

Tin  No. 

Sat  No?  [ Takes  up  the  razor]  Unnatural  father  ! 

Tin  What  has  she  got  there  ? Good  gracious ! my  razor  ! 

Sat  \Pacing  the  room , brandishing  razor,  Tinkle  following  her]  Oh  ! 

Tin  Will  you  give  me  that  razor  ? 

Sat  Will  you  consent  ? 

Tin  No. 

Sat  [ Flourishing  the  razor]  No  ? 

Tin  Yes,  yes,  I consent. 

Sat  [Throwing  the  razor  on  the  ground  and  rushing  into  her  father's  arms] 
Oh,  thanks  ! thanks,  papa — my  good  little  papa  ! 

Tin  Now  you  want  to  strangle  me.  [Puts  the  razor  in  his  pocket. 

Sat  But  I can’t  understand  his  silence,  can  you,  papa?  Three 
whole  days,  and  not  a line — not  a word.  I know  what  I’ll  do — I’ll 
write  to  him  at  once,  and  if  I don’t  get  an  answer  to-morrow,  off  I 
6tart  for  Boulogne.  Papa,  I'm  going  to  write  a letter. 

Enter  Hannah,  r.  d. 

Hannah,  I’m  at  home  to  nobody — do  you  hear  ? to  nobody. 

[Exit  L.  D. 

Tin  And  to  think  that  I should  be  the  father  of  that  flash  of 
lightning.  Hannah,  my  coat  and  hat. 

Han  Directly,  sir.  [Exit  r.  d. 

Tin  [Alone]  Let  her  marry  her  Robin,  and  be  hanged  ! After  all, 
what  does  it  matter  to  me  ? Anything  for  a quiet  life.  And  now  I 
think  of  it,  her  marriage  will  just  fall  in  with  my  plans.  I have 
heard  of  a nice  little  villa  to  be  let  at  Tooting,  with  green  blinds  and 
red  flower-pots.  If  it  shouldn’t  turn  out  too  dear,  my  dream  of 
last  night  may  be  realized. 

Enter  Hannah,  with  coat  and  hat , r.  door . 

Han  Here’s  your  coat  and  hat,  sir. 

Tin  Help  me  on  with  it,  and  I will  go  and  live  all  alone,  calm  and 
tranquil. 

Han  [Giving  hat]  Shall  you  dine  at  home,  sir  ? 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


* 


Tin  I don't  know  ; perhaps  I may,  perhaps  I mayn't.  [Going  out. J 
Calm  and  tranquil  I If  there’s  a little  fountain  in  front  I'll  have 
the  house  at  once.  [Exit  c.  door. 

Han  Now,  that's  a good  sort  of  man — you  may  lead  him  by  the 
nose  like  a baby.  But  his  daughter — oh,  my  stars  I I don’t  envy 
little  Robin,  when  he  comes  to  be  her  husband.  I know  I shouldn’t 
like  such  a wife  as  that — I’d  as  soon  marry  a parched  pea  ; but  it’s 
strange  how  queer  some  men  are,  and  how  they  like  them  kind  of 
girls.  It  keeps  them  alive.  I wonder  what  took  him  off  so  sudden- 
ly to  Bouiong  ? la  1 if  he  should,  it  wouldn’t  be  the  first  time  it  has 
happened.  [Knock]  But  no,  there  he  is,  that’s  all  right.  [. Looking  off , 
c.]  It  isn’t  him,  after  all. 

Enter  Jack,  c.  door. 

Jack  Him?  no,  it’s  me. 

Han  YVrho  did  you  please  to  want,  sir  t 

Jack  Miss  Satanella  Tinkle  ; q Mexican  lady  grafted  on  an  Eng- 
lish stock. 

Han  All  right,  sir,  it’s  here.  * 

Jack  And  she’s  not  at  home,  eh  ? so  much  the  better.  [Sits  b.  c.] 
It  will  giye  me  time  to  prepare  for  the  interview. 

Han  I beg  pardon,  sir  *,  but  she  is  at  home. 

Jack  [Jumping  vp .]  Is  she  ? so  much  the  better  ! Go  and  tell  her — 

Han  Oh,  no,  sir,  I can’t  do  that ; missus  is  writing,  and  she  told 
me  particularly  that  she  wasn’t  at  home  to  nobody. 

Jack  [Seating  himself  again.]  Then,  why  did  you  tell  me  she  was  ? 
So  much  the  better,  I shall  have  time  to  prepare  myself  for  the  in- 
terview. 

Han  [Aside.]  I hardly  know  what  to  do.  Missus  is  so  cantanker- 
ous ; if  I don’t  tell  her,  perhaps  she’ll  fly  into  a passion.  [Aloud.] 
Your  name,  sir,  please? 

Jack  My  name  ? 

Han  Yes,  sir,  to  tell  missus  ; who  shall  I tell  her,  please  ? 

Jack  Tell  her — a bird  of  ill  omen  ! 

Han  A bird  ? 

Jack  No  ! [Aside.]  That  won’t  do,  it  would  be  too  sudden. 

Han  Well,  sir  ? 

Tack  Is  your  mistress  nervous  ? 

Han  Lawks,  sir  ! 

Jack  Of  course  she  is.  Here,  look  in  my  face  ; now  go  and  tell 
your  mistress  that  a gentleman  asks  for  her  with  tears  in  his  eyes. 

Han  Lawks,  sir  ! I don’t  see  no  tears. 

Jack  Of  course  not ! [Aside.]  That  won’t  do,  it’s  too  sudden. 

Han  [Aside.]  He’s  a lunatic  ! 

Jack  What’s  your  name  ? 

Han  What  do  you  want  to  know  for  ? 

Jack  Exactly  ; You’re  quite  right — what  do  I want  to  know  for  ? 
No  matter,  Mexican  or  English,  it’s  all  the  same  ; Beatrice  or  Mol- 
ly, it’s  all  one  ! You’ve  the  prettiest  little  waist,  and  the  wickedest 
pair  of  eyes — ~Futs  arm  round  her . 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 


$ 


San  Come,  I say,  sir,  is  that  what  you  come  here  fur  ? 

Jack  Of  course  not ; you  recall  me  to  my  duty — thanks,  Beatrice 
or  Molly. 

Han  Oh,  he  must  be  mad  ! I shall  leave  missus  to  tackle  him  ; 
she’ll  soon  make  him  speak  out.  I shall  go  down  to  my  kitchen. 

Jack  Where  are  you  going  ? 

Han  Down  to  my  kitchen.  [Exit,  m*  door . 

Jack  Quite  right,  Beatrice  or  Molly.  Here  I am,  then,  on  the  eve 
of  my  mission — confound  Bobin  Brittletop,  say  I ; a pretty  task  £6 
has  given  me.  Yesterday  afternoon  in  the  middle  of  a game  of 
billiards,  he  suddenly  seized  my  arm,  just  as  I was  contemplating  a 
splendid  carom.  “Jack,”  said  he,  “ are  you  my  friend?”  “For 
life  or  death,”  said  I.  “ For  death,  then,  be  it,”  said  he  ; “if  you 
love  me,  kill  me.”  “ With  pleasure,”  said  I,  “but  why?”  “I’ve 
been  putting  my  foot  in  it,”  said  he.  “ In  what  ?”  said  I.  “ You 
remember,”  said  he,  “ the  little  Mexican  girl  I told  you  I was  going 
to  matry  ? It’s  off  ! and  I must  be  off,  too,  or  I shall  be  murdered  ! 
She’s  too  much  for  me,  Jack,  I can’t  undertake  her — she’s  a thun* 
bolt — a tornado  ! I know  I should  faint  at  the  altar  to  which  she 
wants  to  drag  me.  What’s  to  be  done  ? If  I don’t  marry  her,  I tell 
you  she’ll  kill  me  ; now,  if  I must  die,  I’d  rather  die  by  your  hand 
than  hers.  I told  her  I was  off  to  Boulogne  ; but  I’m  only  hiding 
at  Ball’s  Pond.  Go  to*  her — choke  her  off— tell  her  I’m  dead  ; tell 
her  I’m  buried — anything,  only  her  choke  off!”  Choke  her  off!  Did 
you  ever  hear  such  an  expression  ? However,  I agreed  to  help  him, 
because — I don’t  mind  owning  it — because  I think  it  will  rather 
help  myself.  I’ve  been  looking  out  for  a wife  ever  so  long,  and  I 
have  envied  him  his  Mexican  conquest ; so  if  she’s  only  half  as  beau* 
tiful  as  he  says  she  is,  and  only  half  as  spicy,  she  may  turn  out  the 
very  girl  to  suit  me.  I love  thunderbolts  ! I adore  tornadoes  ! Nan- 
cy Pottles — pooh  ! he  may  have  Nancy  Pottles  ; a suet  dumpling — 
boiled  mutton  without  caper  sauce  ! Now,  I like  capers  ; I’ve»been 
cutting  them  all  my  life,  and  I’m  used  to  them.  A Mexican,  too  l 
I’ve  dreamt  of  them — splendid  creatures  ! all  over  spangles  and 
feathers,  with  eyes  like  bullets,  and  petticoats  up  to  their  knees. 
I’ll  have  a look  at  the  young  savage.  I’m  determined,  and  if  her 
Peruvian  blood  warms  towards  me,  I’ll  wed  the  tornado  off-hand 
and  take  all  the  consequences.  So,  here  goes  for  the  conquest  of 
Mexico.  By  Jove  l she’s  coming!  Attention,  Jack. 

Enter  Satanella,  d.  l.  , with  a letter  in  her  hand . 

Sat  I’ve  written  my  letter — now  to  post  it.  [£ees  Jack]  A stran* 
- ger  \ 

Jack  Madam.  [Aside]  Splendid,  sure  enough  ! 

Sat  You  were  asking  for — 

Jack  Miss  Satanella  Tinkle. 

Sat  At  your  service. 

Jack  [Aside]  At  my  service  ; by  Jove,  she’s  a clipper ! [AlouJ\ 
Madam,  I’ve  an  important  communication  to  make  to  you. 

Sat  A communication  ? 


10 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Jack  [Aside]  I must  be  very  serious. 

Sat  I’m  all  attention. 

[ Points  to  a seat.  Jack  plates  a chair , l.  c.  S he  sits. 
Jack  [Sitting,  r.  c.]  Madam [Aside]  I don’t  know  how  to  be- 

gin. [Aloud]  Madam,  I have  just  come  back  from  Boulogne. 

Sat  [Jumps  up,  and  in  doing  so  knocks  over  her  chair . Jack,  frightened , 
does  the  same]  From  Boulogne  ? [Crosses,  r. 

Jack  [Aside]  I was  too  sudden.  [Aloud]  Yes,  from  Boulogne,  where 
I was  staying  with  my  friend,  Robin. 

Sat  [Interrupting]  Robin  ! Are  you  a friend  of  Robin’s? 

Jack  I was — that  is — oh,  yes,  an  intimate  friend. 

Sat  [Angrily]  And  why  isn’t  he  here  with  me  as  he  promised — as 
he  swore  ? Why  doesn’t  he  write  to  me  ? Tell  me  why— why  ? 

[Stamping. 

Jack  [Aside]  How  grand  she  is  when  she's  in  a passion  ! 

Sat  Well,  your  answer.  Will  you  answer  ? 

Jack  [Smiling]  With  pleasure.  [Aside]  I must  be  very  serious. 
Robin  is  still  at  Boulogne,  and  he  charged  me  to  break  to  you  the 
reason  of  bis  absence. 

Sat  Break  to  me  ? Well,  go  on  ! Warm  up — warm  up  ! 

Jack  [Asidd]  Her  impatience  is  magnificent.  [Aloud]  Madam — 

Sat  Go  on,  sir  ; go  on  ! 

Jack  [Aside]  I mustn’t  tell  her  too  abruptly.  [Aloud]  Robin  told 
you,  I believe,  that  business  took  him  to  Boulogne. 

Sat  And  didn’t  it  ? Has  he  deceived  me? 

Jack  No,  no  ; not  exactly.  Only  as  to  the  object  of  his  journey. 
There  are  but  two  things  that  take  a man  to  Boulogne. 

Sat  And  they  are — 

Jack  Either  to  avoid  his  creditors— 

Sat  Ruined  ? 

Jack  No,  no  ; that’s  not  his  case. 

Sat  Or ? • 

Jack  Or  to  fight  a duel. 

Sat  A duel ! Was  that  the  object  of  his  journey  ? 

Jack  It  was. 

Sat  And  he’s  wounded? 

Jack  Madam! 

Sat  Slightly — tell  me  it’s  nothing — tell  me  it’s  nothing  at  all. 

Jack  Nothing  at  all ! no,  I can’t.  Ah ! if  you  only  knew  ! 

Sat  Heavens ! 

Jack  [Aside]  Now’s  my  time. 

Sat  Robin? 

Jack  Robin  ! 

Sat  Dead  ? [J  ack  remains  for  a momnt  without  answering,  then  turns 
and  buries  his  head  in  his  hands]  Ah  ! 

Jack  Madam  ! 

Sat  Dead ! [Falls  fainting  on  sofa,  R. 

Jack  [Aside]  Holloa!  I’ve  been  too  sudden:  she  has  actually 
fainted.  Oh,  by  Jove,  how  stupid  that  is  now  ! Madam  ! I’d  better 
call  somebody.  No,  no,  we  musn’t  let  anybody  else  into  the  secret. 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


11 


Pray,  madam,  let  me  beg  of  you — I ought  to  cut  her  stay  lace  -no  I 
mustn’t  do  that — how  pretty  she  is  ! Pretty  ! No  she  isn’t.  She’s 
beautiful ! How  beautiful  we  all  look  when  we  faint.  What  an  ass 
that  Kobin  must  be  to  neglect  such  a — her  color’s  coming  again— 
she’s  reviving — I think  I’ll  be  off ; no,  I won’t;  I’ll  see  the  end  of  it, 
I’m  determined. 

Sat  [Reviving]  Where  am  I ? 

Jack  [Aside]  I wonder  why  they  always  ask  that.  [Aloud]  'Madam  ! 

Sat  Who  speaks  ? who  are  you  ? ah  ! 

Jack  Be  calm,  I beg. 

Sat  [Rising]  That  voice,  that  horrible  voice  ! 

Jack  Thank  you. 

Sat  Ah  ! I recollect  now.  My  dear  little  Robin — myj  little  Cock 
Robin — my  intended — my  life,  my  soul ! Dead  ! dead  ! 

[FaUs  on  sofa , sobbing. 

Jack  [Aside]  Confound  it ; I begin  to  be  quite  ashamed  of  myself. 
I’ll  tell  her  all  at  once  ; all — all  what?  That  we’ve  been  making  a 
fool  of  her  ? No,  that  won’t  do.  How  she  does  cry  ! [Aloud]  Come, 
come,  my  dear  young  lady  ! 

Sat  [Suddenly  rising , and  wiping  her  eyes]  But  enough  of  this  weak- 
ness ; no  more  tears.  What!  a monster  has  killed  my  Robin— and 
I weep  instead  of  avenging  him  ? Sir,  you  were  the  second  in  this 
duel,  were  you  not  ? 

Jack  Yes,  that’s  to  say — exactly — I did  all  I could — but  alas  ! 

Sat  Then  you  know  the  motive — ? 

Jack  The  motive— yes — of  course. 

Sat  Well,  speak — the  motive  ? 

Jack  A foul  stroke. 

Sat  A foul  stroke  ? 

Jack  Yes,  at  billiards  ; you  know  Robin  adored  billiards.  I’ll  ex- 
plain it  all  to  you.  Robin,  you  see,  only  wanted  two  points- 

Sat  Enough— enough.  [Asuk]  There’s  no  woman  in  the  case,  so  it 
doesn’t  matter.  And  his  adversary  ? 

Jack  His  adversary  ? 

Sat  His  name — his  adversary’s  name  ? 

Jack  You  want  me  to  tell  you — 

Sat  The  name  of  his  assassin.  Come,  speak  out. 

Jack  Ah  ! the  name — exactly — yes,  yes — but  you  see  I was  only 
Robin’s  second.  I don’t  know  who  his  adversary  was. 

Sat  Nonsense  ; his  second  must  have  known — 

Jack  Certainly — that  is — he  ought  to  have  told  me,  but — 

Sat  \Asi<k]  He’s  confused.  [Aloud]  And  you,  sir,  who  are  you  ? 
what’s  your  name  ? 

Jack  Raggett,  Jack  Raggett.  By  profession  an  only  son — living 
on  the  paternal  crumbs  ; but  I’ve  several  uncles. 

Sat  Mr.  Raggett,  dear  Mr.  Raggett,  tell  me  his  name. 

Jack  Whose  name  ? 

Sat  The  name  of  Robin’s  assassin. 

Jack  I swear  to  you  upon  my  honor  I don't  know. 

Sat  It's  false J 


U.  OF  ILL  LIB, 


12 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  BOBIN  ? 


Jack  Madam  ! 

Sat  It's  impossible. 

Jack  Well,  that’s  better. 

Sat  I will  know  his  name.  Where  did  they  fight  ? 

Jack  Where  ? 

Sat  You  don’t  know  that  either,  perhaps. 

Jack  Yes,  yes,  of  course,  only — [ Aside]  I’m  getting  quite  bothered. 

Sat  [Aside]  He's  more  and  more  confused. 

Jack  It  was  on  the  cliff.  Do  you  know  Boulogne  ? 

Sat  No  ! 

Jack  [Aside]  So  much  the  better.  [Aloud]  The  town  of  Boulogne 
is  situated  on  the  side  of  a hill ; there  are  several  gates  leading — 

Sat  Enough,  enough  ! never  mind  the  gates.  [Crosses  to  l.]  What 
time  does  the  train  start  for  Boulogne  ? 

Jack  What  time?  Oh,  there  are  several  trains. 

Sat  Then  we’ll  go  by  the  first. 

Jack  We  ? 

Sat  Yes,  we  ! You  shall  conduct  me  to  the  cliff— you  shall  aid  me 
in  the  search  ; and  together  we’ll  discover  Bobin’s  assassin. 

Jack  Well,  but  really,  madam — 

Sat  You  refuse. 

Jack  No,  a --a 

Sat  A line  to  my  father — a small  port  man  taeu,  and  off  we  go. 

Jack  You  and  I alone  ? 

Sat  With  my  father,  of  course.  Swear  that  you’ll  wait  here  for  me. 

Jack  Certainly — only  perhaps  on  reflection  you  may— 

Sat  Swear ! 

Jack  I swear ! 

Sat  By  what  ? 

Jack  By  the  shade  of  Robin  ! 

Sat  Thanks,  thanks.  [Taking  his  hand ] I'll  not  be  a minute,  then 
we’ll  be  off  to  Boulogne,  express  train.  Remember  your  promise. 

Jack  Yes  ! 

Sat  Swear ! 

Jack  I swear ! [Exit  Satanella,  door , l.  Jack  alone , putting  on  his 
hat]  I'm  off  to  Ball’s  Pond,  “express  train.”  It’s  a shabby  thing 
to  do,  but  I can't  stand  any  more  of  this.  What,  break  my  oath  ? 
Pooh  ! I only  swore  by  the  shade  of  Robin,  so  that’s  not  binding. 
Where’s  my  hat?  She’s  charming,  delicious.  But  a journey  to 
Boulogne,  only  to  be  found  out  in  a lie,  hang  it  all ; and  with  her 
father,  tool  seventy  miles  and  more,  besides  the  boat.  No,  that’s 
going  a little  too  far.  Where’s  my  hat  ? The  joke  has  lasted  long 
enough — where  the  deuce  is  my — [$ee?  himself  in  the  glass— puts  his 
hand  to  Ms  head]  Oh,  here  it  is,  now  I’m  off ! 

[Goes  to  c.  door,  meets  Tinkle,  who  is  .entering. 

Tin  Holloa  ! What,  Jack  Raggett ! 

Jack  [Aside]  My  old  gentleman  at  the  club  ! confound  it,  I was 
playing  whist  with  him  till  twelve  o’clock  last  night,  he’ll  knock 
over  my  alibi. 

Tin  Why,  what  brings  y*u  to  my  house  ? 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 13 

Jack  Your  house — eh  ? Tinkle  ? why  of  course,  you  are  her  father— 
exactly.  Tinkle,  I congratulate  you. 

Tin  That’s  all  very  well,  but  what  brings  you  here  ? 

Jack  I’ve  just  had  the  pleasure  of  announcing  to  your  daughter, 
some  very  sad  news. 

Tin  Indeed  ! what  was  it  ? 

Jack  No,  no  ! I’ve  had  enough  for  one  morning,  I can’t  begin 
again  ; she’ll  tell  you  all  about  it.  [Going. 

Tin  [. Holding  him  hack ] Mr.  Raggett,  recollect,  sir,  I’m  a father. 

Jack  [Aside]  So  he  is,  and  father  of  a bewildering  daughter.  Sup* 
pose  I sound  him  as  to  his  views.  [Aloud]  You  know  Robin 
Brittletop  ? 

Tin  Know  him  ! I should  rather  think  I did.  [Aside]  A deuced 
deal  too  well. 

Jack  He  has  just  been  killed  in  a duel. 

Tin  [Joyfully]  Nonsense  1 

Jack  [Asionished]  What? 

Tin  No,  I don’t  mean  that.  Of  course  I’m  sorry — poor  fellow— 
deeply  sorry — poor  boy  ! only  you  see  [Joyfully]  it  suits  my  arrange- 
ments. 

Jack  Really? 

Tin  Yes  ! He  didn’t  suit  me  at  all  ; and  I’m  sure  my  daughter 
would  have  been  wretched  with  him.  In  my  character  of  individual, 
I regret  it ; but  in  my  character  of  father,  I’m  delighted. 

Jack  [Aside]  The  deuce  he  is  ; oh,  then  I may  let  him  into  the 
secret.  [Aloud]  Tinkle,  [Mysteriously]  Hush  ! Robin  is  just  as  well 
as  you  or  I. 

Tin  What,  Robin  who  was  killed  in  a duel  ? 

Jack  Not  a bit  of  it — there  was  no  duel. 

' Tin  So  much  the  worse. 

Jack  In  one  word,  Robin  repents  the  promise  he  made  your  daugh- 
ter ; he  vislies  to  break  off.  You  understand  ? 

Tin  Go  on.  • 

Jack  A nd  to  escape  her  vengeance  he  induced  me  to  see  lier  and 
announce  his  death.  I’ve  just  done  it  beautifully — a duel — Bou- 
logne, &c  , &c. 

Tin  Good  gracious  ! what  a rage  she  must  have  been  in  ! [ With 
interest]  I hope  she  hasn’t  hurt  you  ? 

Jack  No,  thank  you.  She  cried  a good  deal  and  fainted  a little. 
Her  sorrow  was  sublime.  And  what  do  you  think  ? We’re  going 
to  Boulogne  together 

Tin  Who? 

Jack  Your  daughter  and  I. 

Tin  My  daughter? 

Jack  Yes,  and  you — all  three  of  us. 

» Tin  She  smells  a rat,  then. 

Jack  Not  at  all.  She  fell  souse  into  the  trap.  But  she  vows  ven- 
geance on  the  head  of  Robin’s  assassin.  She  insists  that  I shall  give 
her  up  the  name  of  the  murderer.  [Satanella  appears  listening  at  door , 
L.]  But  as  at  present  Robin’s  only  assassin  is  myself— 


14 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Sat  [Aside]  What  do  I hear  ? 

Jack  You  may  judge  of  the  scrape  I’m  in. 

Sat  [Aside]  Scrape ! 

Tin  Why  didn’t  you  tell  her  the  first  name  that  came  into  youi 
head  ? 

Jack  No  name  did  come  into  my  head. 

Tin  When  she  asked  you  *l  Who  killed  Cock  Robin  ?”  you  shoul  j 
have  said,  “ I,  said  the  sparrow,  with  my  bow  and  arrow  ” — 

Jack  “I  killed  Cock  Robin.”  ~ [Both  laugh . 

Sat  [Aside]  What  mystery  is  this  ? 

Jack  You  see  the  scrape  I’m  in.  I nearly  betrayed  myself  a dozen 
times.  I was  in  an  awful  fright ; for  I wouldn’t  have  had  her  know 
the  truth  for  worlds. 

Sat  [Aside]  I dread  to  hear  why. 

Tin  Why  not  ? 

Jack  Ah  ! that’s  the  point.  I heard  so  much  about  your  daugh- 
ter from  little  Robin  that  my  curiosity  was  aroused. 

Tin  Really  ! 

Jack  Her  eyes  have  already  pierced  a hole  through  my  heart. 
Tinkle,  I love  that  tumultuous  child. 

Sat  [Aside]  What ! 

Jack  Yes,  I adore  these  exotic  plants  ; I adore  foreign  wares — 
foreign  wines — foreign  spirits.  I hate  your  British  milk-and-water 
slops ! 

Tin  Really  ! you  love  my  daughter  ? 

Jack  Passionately. 

Sat  [Aside]  He  loves  me  ! oh,  horror  I 

Tin  My  dear  Raggett!  [Aside]  His  father’s  rich.  [Aloud]  I feel 
flattered  by  your  offer  ; but — 

Jack  You  refuse  ? 

Tin  I accept.  [They  shake  hands. 

Sat  [Aside]  What  a discovery  ! 

Tin  Well,  if  Satanella  says  yes — stop  ! a capital  idea ! We’re  all 
going  to  Boulong,  ain’t  we  ? Well,  we  all  travel  together — you 
pay  her  attentions — you  sympathize  with  her — 

Tack  I see — capital ! Thanks,  Tinkle — I’m  the  happiest  of  men  ! 

Tin  No  you’re  not.  Tm  the  happiest  of  men  ; I’ve  got  rid  of  that 
horrid  little  Robin.  Oh,  how  kind  of  you,  to  kill  him  ! 

Sat  Ah  ! 

Jack  [Seeing  Satanella.]  Hush  ! she’s  there,  attention ! 

Tin  [Aside]  You  are  right,  we  must  put  on  an  air  of  sorrow. 
[Approaches  Satanella,  putting  his  handkerchief  to  his  eyes.]  Satanella! 
Satanella ! 

Sat  [ Who  has  been  standing  lost  in  thought.]  Who  calls  me  ? 

Tin  Nobody — that’s  to  say,  nobody  in  particular  ! your  father — 
your  poor  old  father.  But  let  us  go. 

Sat  Go  where  ? 

Tin  To  Boulong. 

Sat  To  Boulogne — why  there  ? 

Tin  Why,  you  know,  Raggett — Mr.  Raggett — has  just  told  me— 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  BOBIN  ? 


15 


Sat  Ah  ! you  know  all,  then  ? 

Tin  I know  all.  Wretched  fate  ! 

Sat  And  you  regret  him,  don’t  you  ? 

Tin  Bitterly ! bitterly  ! and  the  proof  is,  that  I’m  ready  to  help 
you  in  your  search. 

Sat  My  search ! what  search  ? 

Tin  Why,  ain’t  we  going  to  seek  out  the  assassin  ? 

Sat  [ Grosses  to  Jack.]  The  assassin — Bobin’s  assassin — what's  the 
matter,  Mr.  Baggett  ? 

Jack  Nothing  ! nothing  ! 

Sat  One  would  think  you  were  embarrassed  1 

Jack  No — not  at  all ! only — 

Sat  [Aside]  His  remorse  overwhelms  him.  [Aloud]  You  were  his 
friend,  were  you  not  ? I say,  were  you  not  his  friend  ? 

Tin  Oh  ! never  mind  that  now,  we  shall  have  time  to  talk  about 
that  in  the  train. 

Sat  Train  ! what  train  ? 

Tin  Why,  didn’t  Baggett — Mr.  Baggett,  tell  me  that  you— 

Sat  Oh,  yes,  yes  ! I did  at  first,  but  I’ve  changed  my  mind.  I’m 
not  going. 

Jack  What  ? 

Tin  Not  going  ? 

Sat  Why  should  I seek  out  his  wretched  adversary  ? It  is  fate — 
fate  alone  that’s  to  blame. 

Tin  Well,  there’s  something  in  that.  [Aside  to  J agyl]  She  has  calmed 
down. 

Jack  It’s  the  rainbow  after  the  storm. 

Enter  Hannah,  r.  door. 

Han  Please,  miss,  breakfast’s  ready. 

Sat  Hannah  ! another  cup  and  saucer. 

Tin  Another  cup  and — 

Sat  Why,  of  course,  papa.  You  know  Mr.  Baggett  has  just  come 
from  Boulogne  ; and  after  traveling  so  far  on  our  account — Mr.  Bag- 
gett, you  will  breakfast  with  us. 

Jack  [Crosses  to  Satanella]  With  the  greatest  pleasure.  [Aside  to 
Tinkle]  The  storm  has  cleared  the  weather. 

Sat  Papa,  show  Mr.  Baggett  the  way.  I’ll  follow  you,  directly. 

Tin  This  way,  then.  You'll  find  the  muffins  excellent.  [Aside] 
The  glass  is  rising. 

Jack  I hope  it’s  at  set  fair.  [Exit,  Jack  and  Tinkle,  r.  door. 

Han.  [Aside]  The  lunatic’s  going  to  stop  to  breakfast,  after  all. 

[Exit,  r.  door 

Sat  [Alone,  suddenly  bursts  Gut]  I’ve  got  him?  He’s  Bobin’s  assas- 
sin ! My  father  knew  it  all  the  time.  They  think  that  I’ll  marry 
him — and  I’ve  looked  on  quietly.  I've  not  sprung  upon  them  like 
a lioness — like  a wounded  panther.  But  the  moment's  at  hand,  and 
—no  ! it's  not  by  the  poniard's  point  that  he  must  perish.  Great 
crimes  call  for  great  vengeances.  Die  he  must,  but  not  by  the  dag- 
ger. No  ! he  must  be  pricked  to  death  with  red  hot  needles.  He 


16 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


loves  me  ; would  marry  me.  Well,  why  not?  [ Savagely ] Why  not? 
His  name — his  honor  must  be  mine  ! mine  ! Ah  ! with  what  rapture 
will  I enunciate  the  fatal  “ yes  ” which  gives  him  up  to  me.  No 
young  bride  ever  pronounced  that  word  with  more  joy  than  I shall 
do.  When  they  ask  me,  “ Will  you  take  this  man  for  your  wedded 
husband?”  I shall  drop  my  eyes  to  the  bouquet  in  my  hand,  and 
with  rage  in  my  heart,  and  menaces  on  my  lips,  I shall  answer, 
“ Yes,  yes,  yes.”  Oh,  Robin  { I promise  you  a vengeance  unknown 
to  Europeans — a Mexican  vengeance.  And  now,  be  still,  my  heart ; 
be  calm,  my  nerves  ; the  time  is  come  for  action.  Revenge  dwells 
in  my  bosom — but  peace  sits  on  my  brow.  \Very  sweetly]  And  now 
I’ll  go  to  breakfast. 


ACT  II. 

SCENE — A bedroom  at  Tinkle’s*  In  flat,  c.,  a bed  in  an  alcove . Bell 
pull  near  bed,  r.  Stool  in  front,  r.  of  stool  a boot.  l.  of  stool  a slip- 
per; watch  under  pillow.  Door,  l.,  in  flat.  r.  a boot  hung  on  a nail  over 
a picture.  A large  vase  in  corner  of  flat,  L.  r.  1 b.,  a chimney-piece  with 
a clock  on  it  set  at  10  o'clock.  ‘ ‘ Bradshaw's  Guide  ’ ’ on  the  mantel-piece . 
Door  of  cupboard , R.  2 e.  , with  a coal  and  waistcoat  inside,  and  a port- 
manteau and  pistol.  A slipper  hung  from  a string  at  the  top  of  the  doer  in- 
side. Table,  r.,  with  segar  case , match  box , smoking  cap  and  newspaper  on 
it.  Braces  on  the  bade  of  chair.  Arm  chair,  r.  1 e.  l.,  a window,  with 
curtains  drawn , and  Holland  blinds  drawn  down . l.  2 e.,  door  of  Satan* 
ella’s  room.  Table  down,  l.,  with  a dark  lantern  on  it,  and  a piece  of 
chalk.  Small  stool  near  table , L. 

Jack  discovered  lying  outside  the  bed  asleep,  without  his  boots.  Dressing  gown 
cm.  Satanella  is  standing  on  a chair  at  the  back,  on  then,  of  bed , with  a 
ball  of  white  worsted,  tying  one  of  Jack’s  boots  to  a picture . She  comes 
down  and  takes  the  dark  lantern , and  turns  it  toward  the  boot . 

Sat  Yes,  that  will  do.  I think  that’ll  have  a fine  effect.  But,  per- 
haps  he  won’t  see  it ; stay,  this  worsted’s  the  thing.  [ Puts  the  lantern 
on  table , takes  ball  of  worsted,  gets  on  chair , ties  the  end  of  the  wool  to  the 
boot,  comes  down  and  draws  the  wool  along  the  floor  to  the  table,  l.  With 
a bit  of  chalk  she  writes  on  the  table , speaking  as  she  writes]  ‘ ‘ Follow  the 
thread.”  [ Jumps  up  and  turns  towards  the  bed]  Is  he  waking  ? No  ! 
[Jack  snores]  Actually  snoring — the  wretch — after  such  a day  as  I 
made  him  pass  ; and  this  is  all  the  effect  it  has  had  upon  him.  Nevei 
mind,  I’ve  more  needles  for  him!  Let’s  see  that  I’ve  forgotten 
nothing.  [Sits  at  table,  l.  Takes  out  a note  book  and  reads  by  the  light  of 
the  lantern]  “ 1st  needle — Loosen  screws  of  bed  cornice  so  that  it 
may  fall  on  nose.”  That’s  done,  and  a pretty  job  it  was.  While 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


17 


they  all  thought  I was  dozing,  and  he  was  running  about 
town  to  find  me  a doctor,  I was  at  work.  “ 2d  needle — Rip  up  se- 
gars.”  That’s  done.  “3d — Put  pepper  in  smoking  cap.”  Done. 
“4th — Sew  handkerchief  in  pocket.' ’ Sewn.  “5th — Hide  one 
slipper  and  one  hoot — put  on  clock — put  "back  watch — leave  only 
three  pence  in  pocket — and  cut  springs  of  braces.”  All  done. 
“ Wake  him  up  with  a sudden  shock,  and  frighten  him  out  of  his 
senses.”  That’s  still  to  be  done,  [i&ses,  and  goes  with  lantern  to 
door , l.,  flat ] Jack  Raggett ! assassin  of  the  innocent  Robin  ! your 
fate  is  at  hand  ! the  hour  of  vengeance  has  struck!  [On  the  last 
word  she  takes  up  a large  vase  and  throws  it  down  with  a loud  crash , and  exit 
door , L. 

Jack  [Jumping  up]  Come  in  ! what’s  the  matter?  who’s  there? 
[Putting  his  head  out  through  the  curtains]  Nobody  ! what  in  the  world 
has  happened  ? I thought  I heard  a shot,  or  a sneeze,  or  something 
of  the  sort — I suppose  I was  dreaming,  oh  ! nobody’s  likely  to  sneeze 
here  ; and  yet  I’m  married — married  ever  since  yesterday  morning  ; 
and  a pretty  day  and  night  I’ve  had  of  it.  All  seems  quiet — it  must 
have  been  fancy.  1 wonder  what  o’clock  it  is — still  dark — where’s 
my  repeater  ? [Takes  out  a watch  which  is  hanging  at  the  side  of  the  bed— 
it  strikes  four]  Four  o’clock  ! only  four  ! Oh,  what  a weary  night ! I 
couldn’t  go  to  bed— I only  lay  down  in  my  clothes,  in  case  I had  to 
run  for  a doctor  again — I must  try  and  go  to  sleep  once  more.  [Turns 
round  on  the  pillow — clock  on  the  mantel-piece  strikes,  Jack  counts  with  it] 
One,  two,  three,  four,  five,  six,  seven,  eight,  nine,  ten.  Ten 
o’clock  ! what  does  that  mean  ? 4;en  o’clock  i my  watcli  says  it's  only 
four.  [Sitting  on  the  bed]  But  if  it’s  ten  o’clock  I ought  to  have  been 
called.  [Draws  the  curtains , which  bring  down  the  whole  of  coi'nice  upon  him] 
Holloa  ! what’s  that  ? here,  murder,  thieves  ! let  me  go,  let  me  go  ! 
How  stupid  I am  ! It’s  myself,  I’ve  got  hold  of  the  curtains — no  it’s 
the  curtains  have  got  hold  of  me.  [Fighting  with  them]  Well,  this  is  a 
pleasant  commencement  of  my  second  day.  Where’s  the  window? 
let’s  see.  [Opens  the  window  curtains  and  blind— full  daylight  comes  in] 
The  deuce  ! why  it’s  broad  daylight.  The  clock  must  have  been 
- right  then.  Where  are  my  slippers  ? [Puts  on  one  which  he  finds  at  the 
foot  of  the  bed]  Now  where’s  the  other?  no  signs  of  it ; where  the 
deuce  can  it  be  ? never  mind,  I’ll  put  on  my  boots  instead.  [Puts  on 
the  one  he  finds  at  the  foot  of  the  bed]  Now  where’s  the  other  ? well  that’s 
pleasant ; one  boot  and  one  slipper  ! What  can  Hannah  be  about  ? 
she  was  to  call  me  at  nine  o’clock— she  must  have  come  in  without 
my  h earing  her — but  the  idea  of  carrying  off  one  of  my  boots ! 
[ While  he  speaks  takes  off  dressing  gown , puts  on  one  of  his  braces , it  maps  in 
two]  Botheration  ! there  goes  my  brace.  [Puts  on  the  other  in  a great 
rage , it  snaps  also]  Confound  it  ! there  goes  the  other.  [Throws  them  on 
tint  floor]  Where’s  my  cap  ? here  it  is.  [Puts  it  on]  Now  I can  go  and 
call  Hannah  ! stop  though,  I mustn’t  wake  them  if  it’s  only  four. 
[Sneezes]  What  a smell  of  pepper  there  is— I must  have  heard  her  if 
she  had  knocked — It  can’t  be  nine  o’clock  yet — well  I won’t  disturb 
the  house — I must  wait  patiently.  [Sits at  table,  r.]  I’ll  have  a cigar. 
[Takes  a cigar , with  match,  r.,  table]  What  a bore  it  is  hobbling  about 


iB 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 


with  one  boot  and  one  slipper  ; a nice  pleasant  time  I’ve  had  of  it 
altogether.  [Sneezes]  What  can  be  this  smell  of  pepper.  [Tries  to  light 
his  cigar]  First  of  all  the  courtship  ; that  was  enough  to  drive  any 
fellow  mad  ; one  day  she  wouldn’t,  the  next  she  would,  then  she 
wouldn’t  again,  and  so  on  for  a month  ; till  I thought  we  never 
should  come  to  an  end.  However,  at  last  the  happy  moment  actual- 
ly arrived,  and  yesterday  morning,  exactly  at  11.  30.  as  Bradshaw 
would  say,  with  a loud  voice,  she  pronounced  the  charming  “ yes” 
that  made  her  mine  for  ever.  [Finding  that  he  can't  get  the  cigar  to  light 
he  throws  it  in  the  fire-place  and  takes  another]  Out  of  church  we  all  came 
radiant  with  joy  and  our  eyes  full  of — [Sneezes]  Confound  it  ! what 
a smell  of  pepper — our  eyes  full  of  tobacco — I mean  tears — the  car- 
riage was  at  the  door,  which  was  to  convey  us  home  to  our  hasty 
luncheon.  With  a bound  I sprang  out  upon  the  pavement — with 
another  out  sprang  my  wife — a shriek  followed — I rushed  to  her  aid 
and  ejaculated.  [Throwing  away  second  cigar]  Deuce  take  the  cigars ! 
what’s  the  matter  with  them  ? [Takes  a third]  In  an  agony  I ejacula- 
ted, “ Satanella  ! my  wife!”  She  had  fainted.  In  jumping  from 
the  carriage  she  had  sprained  her  ankle,  and  we  had  to  carry  her 
into  old  Tinkle’s  house  again,  and  put  her  to  bed.  There  was  a nice 
beginning.  Off  I went  post  haste  for  a doctor,  and  when  I brought 
him,  she  had  dropped  off  to  sleep,  and  couldn’t  see  him.  [Trying  to 
light  cigar]  After  an  hour’s  nap  she  woke,  and  I ran  for  another,  but 
she  said  he  was  too  young,  and  wouldn’t  have  him.  Off  I went  again 
and  caught  a third — with  a bald  head  and  spectacles  ; she  said  he 
was  an  old  fool,  and  I had  to  kick  him  down  stairs.  At  last,  with 
tears  in  my  eyes  I exclaimed — Damn  the  cigars,  they’re  not  worth  a 
dump.  Can’t  get  one — [Examines  them]  Why  they  are — [Sneezes]  My 
nose  is  full  of  pepper.  [ Taking  off  his  cap  and  smelling  it]  And  sure 
enough  here’s  the  pepper  castor  ! What  the  deuce  has  Hannah  been 
putting  pepper  in  my  castor — I mean  cap  for  ? To  keep  off  the 
moths  I suppose — what  an  idea.  [Throws  cap  away]  And  my  cigars 
too,  all — [Sneezes]  Where’s  my  handkerchief  ? [Trying  to  pull  it  out  of 
his  pocket]  Why  it’s  sewn  in  ! somebody  has  sewn  it  in  like  a little 
child’s,  when  he’s  going  to  school.  Oh,  by  Jove!  I can’t  stand 
this.  It’s  too  bad — and  I will  find  out  who  has  dared  to — [Seizes  the 
bell  rope  near  the  bed]  I’ll  wake  them  all  up.  [Rings  the  bell]  Hannah  ! 
Hannah ! * 

Han  [Without]  Did  you  call,  sir  ? 

Jack  There  she  is,  at  last. 

Tin  [ Without]  What's  the  matter  ? 

Jack  Father-in-law,  too.  [Goes  and  opens  the  door , L.  o. 

Enter  Hannah  and  Tinkle,  door  in  flat. 

Han  [l.]  Ain’t  you  well,  sir  ? 

Tin  [r.]  Shall  I send  for  the  engines  ? 

Jack  [c.  to  Hannah]  Come  here  and  answer  me. 

Han  Sir! 

Tin  Whatever’ s the  matter  ? 

'Jack  Never  you  mind  ; your  turn  will  come  presently.  New  an- 
swer me.  [To  Hannah.]  What’s  o’clock  ? 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


19 


Tin  What ! was  it  only  to  know  what’s  o’clock  that  you — 

Jack  [To  Tjnkle.]  Your  turn  will  come  presently.  [To  Hannah.] 
What’s  o’clock,  I say  ? 

Ban  Half-past  eight,  sir. 

Jack  Then  why  does  my  watch  say  four,  and  my  clock  ten. 

Ban  I'm  sure  I don’t  know,  sir  ; you  must  ask  the  clock-maker. 
Tin  Why,  of  course  ; how  can  the  girl — 

Jack  Tinkle,  be  quiet;  your  turn  hasn’t  come  yet.  [To  Hannah.] 
Why  did  you  put  pepper  into  my  smoking-cap  ? 

Ban  Me  ! I put — 

Tin  Pepper ! did  she  put  pepper — 

Jack  Why  did  you  rip  up  my  cigars  ? 

Ban  Rip  up — 

Tin  Rip  up — 

Jack  Why  did  you  sew  my  handkerchief  in  my  pocket  ? 

Ban  Well,  if  ever  I — 

Tin  What ! did  she  sew  the  handkerchief — 

Ban  I never  did  nothing  of  the  kind  ! 

Jack  [Showing  his  pocket]  What  do  you  call  that  ? 

Ban  It  wasn’t  me. 

Jack  And  my  bed-curtains,  and  my  slippers,  and  my  hoots  ? 

Tin  What ! did  she  sew  your  bed- curtains  and  your  boots  ? 

Jack  Tinkle,  will  you  hold  your  tongue?  [To  Hannah.]  Now 
answer. 

Ban  I don’t  know  what  you’re  talking  about. 

Tin  No  more  do  I. 

Jack  I have  been  made  a living  target,  into  which  some  invisible 
hand  has  been  shooting  poisoned  arrows.  Look  here — only  one 
boot ! where’s  the  other — one  slipper,  where’s  the  other  ? 

Ban  [Looking  about]  I don’t  know,  I’m  sure  ; but  we’ll  soon — 
[Seeing writing  on  table] — What’s  this  ? “ Follow  the  thread.” 

[Hannah  walks  along , following  the  trace  of  the  thread , the  other  two  after  her . 
Tin  Where  in  the  world  are  we  going  to  ? 

Ban  Look  ! there’s  the  boot ! 

Jack  Eh  ? v 

Tin  Oh ! 

Jack  Now  who  could  have  stuck  that  up  there  ? 

Ban  [Taking  down  boot]  Well,  it  wasn’t  me. 

Tin  Nor  me. 

Jack  Well,  but  somebody — - 

Ban  [Laughing]  I see  ! Please,  sir,  he’s  joking  with  us  ; he’s  such 
a merry  gentleman. 

Jack  Merry,  indeed  ! Oh,  yes,  I’ve  reason  to  be  merry.  [To  Han- 
nah.] I tell  you  it  was  you  ; I discharge  you. 

Ban  Oh,  sir,  you’re  not  in  earnest. 

Tin  What ! discharge  Hannah  ! 

Jack  [Going  to  Tinkle  ] If  it  wasn’t  her,  it  was  you.  I discharge 
you ! 

Tin  Jack,  you’re  mad  ! 

Jack  Well,  there  are  but  three  of  us;  it  can’t  be  my  wife  with 
her  sprained  ankle. 


20 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Tin  Oh,  talking  of  that,  her  ankle’s  better.  I suppose — 

Jack  Better,  is  it  ? 

Tin  As  if  you  didn’t  know  it ! Do  you  think  I didn’t  hear  you 
tramping  about  in  the  night  ? 

Jack  Me ! 

Tin  Yes  ; I slept  under  here  ; that  is,  I should  have  slept  if  you’d 
been  quiet. 

Jack  Me  ! why,  I’ve  never  moved  all  night. 

Tin  Oh,  stuff!  that  won’t  do.  Didn’t  you  shut  the  door  with  \ 
bang  that  shook  the  house  ? I thought  it  was  a cannon  at  first. 

Han  [A  thought  suddenly  striking  her ] Oh ! I see  it  now  ! I know 
who’s  done  all  this. 

Jack— You  do — who  ? 

Tin  Who  ? 

Han  [ To  Jack.1  Why,  you  yourself,  to  be  sure. 

Tin  What ! Jack  ! 

Jack  Me  ! 

Han  Oh,  yes,  bless  you  ! I know  all  about  it.  I had  a cousin 
who  used  to  walk  about  in  the  night.  What  was  it  they  used  to 
call  him  ? 

Tin  A somnambulist.  She’s  right,  Jack — you’re  a somnambulist. 

Jack  A somnambulist  ! me  ! stuff  and  nonsense  ! 

Han  A somnamnibist — that’s  it  ! Oh  ! you  can’t  recollect  any- 
thing about  it  now ; it’s  always  the  way.  One  night  my  cousin 
came  down  into  my  kitchen  and  kissed  me.  As  I knew  it  was 
dangerous  to  wake  a somnamnibisk  I never  said  a word  ; and  next 
morning  he’d  forgotten  all  about  it. 

Jack  What ! Is  it  possible  ! Could  it  have  been  myself  ? 

Tin  Why,  who  the  deuce  should  it  be  ? 

Jack  Good  gracious ! That  explains  it  all.  But  do  you  really 
mean  to  say  I could  walk  about  in  my  sleep,  and  rip  up  my  own 
cigars — put  pepper  into  my  own  smoking  cap,  and  sew  my  handker- 
chief into  my — ? No ! come,  that  won’t  do  *,  I can’t  sew  when  I’m 
awake- — how  can  I do  it  when  I’m  asleep  ? 

Ilan  Lawk,  sir,  that’s  nothing ! My  cousin  never  could  kiss  me 
when  he  was  awake — he  could  only  kiss  me  when  he  was  asleep. 
That’s  what  they  call  second  sight. 

Jack  [Aside]  What  a horrible  discovery  ! [ Mysteriously  to  Tinkle 
and  Hannah]  Not  a word  of  all  this  to  my  wife.  What  would  she 
think  of  me  ? It’s  an  awful  discovery  ! 

Sat  [Outside]  Help  ! help  ! 

Jack  Mercy  on  me — what’s  the  matter  now'  ? 

Tin  My  daughter’s  voice  ! 

Han  Missus  ! [They  all  go  to  the  door , L. , which  opens  and  Satanella 
appears , one  foot  hound  up  in  flannel.] 

Sat  Help  ! A chair — a sofa — support  me  ! [Jack  and  Tinkle  sup- 
port he r on  each  side , while  Hannah  draws  an  arm-chair  to  the  c.  of  stage.] 

Tin  Why — you’re  never  up  ? 

Jack  You  are  better  then  ? 

Sal  Quite  the  contrary— worse— much  worse.  > 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 21 

Jack  But  why  didn’t  you  ring  your  bell  ? I should  have  heard  you 
In  a moment. 

Sat  [Sitting  in  arm-chair,  c.]  There — there — gently— gently  ; Han- 
nah, a stool. 

Han  [Runs  and  fetches  a pillow ] Here’s  a pillow,  ma’am,  that’ll  he 
better.  [Places  the  'pillow  on  stool  which  Jack,  has  placed  near  her  foot. 

Jack  [About  to  lift  her  foot]  Let  me — 

Sat  Don’t  touch  it ! Oh  ! heavens  ! the  least  pressure — [Puts  her 
foot  on  stool]  There — there  I am. 

Tin  But  what  made  you  get  up  ? 

Sat  Well,  I felt  a little  better,  so  I thought  I’d  try  ; but  before  I 
got  to  the  door,  my  foot  gave  way  under  me. 

Jack  [Aside]  Pleasant ! It  will  lay  her  up  still  longer. 

Tin  You  were  very  wrong,  my  dear.  In  the  first  place,  I can’t 
stay  to  nurse  you,  for  I have  a particular*  appointment  with  my 
friend,  Wilkins.  Yes,  he  has  promised  to  let  me  have  his  villa  at 
Ealing — and  as  I lost  the  one  at  Tooting — 

Sat  You  are  not  going  to  leave  us,  papa  ! 

Jack  No,  you’re  never  going  to  leave  us.  [Aside]  I wish  to  good- 
ness he  would  ! [Aloud  ] Oh  ! father-in-law  ! 

Tin  Exactly — father-in-law — that’s  it.  A father-in-law  has  no 
business  in  the  house  of  a young  couple — he’s  always  in  the  way. 

Sat  Oh  ! papa  ! 

Jack  Oh  ! don’t  say  so.  [Aside]  He’s  right  enough  there. 

Tin  So,  I’ve  made  up  my  mind — with  much  sorrow — to  go  and 
live  all  alone— out  of  town.  It’s  a cruel  necessity — but  I prefer  it. 
Hannah,  get  my  breakfast — and  if  you  should  want  the  doctor — 

Sat  I know  Jack  will  run  for  him. 

Jack  [Aside]  Jack  has  done  nothing  else  since  yesterday  morning 

Tin  [Kissing  Satanella]  Good-bye,  darling  ! Now,  don’t  be  ill 
again  till  after  I am  gone — because,  if  you  are.  you  know,  I shall 
have  to  stay  with  you,  and  that  will  quite’  put  me  out  in  my  ar- 
rangements. [Exit,  door  in  flat. 

Jack  [Calling  after  him]  There’s  no  hurry,  father-in-law — take  your 
time. 

Sat  [Aside]  Now,  then,  to  hear  the  result  of  my  red  hot  needles. 

Jack  [Seating  himself  close  to  Satanella,  r.]  Here  we  are  at  last! 
What  an  agreeable  surprise  this  is  ! 

Sat  [Laughing]  Dear  me  ! you’ve  got  one  boot  on  and  one  slipper  ! 

Jack  Yes — it’s  Hannah’s  doing. 

Han  Mine  ! 

Jack  Or  my  own —perhaps  it  was  my  own.  I’ve  had  such  a day 
and  night  of  it  that  I hardly  know  what  I’ve  been  about. 

Sat  [Aside]  Why,  he  actually  believes — 

Han  Oh,  my  gracious  ! look  here  ! The  bed  curtains  are  all  torn 
down,  and  the  cornice — 

Jack  Yes,  it  was  me  ! I tugged  a little  too  hard,  and  down  it  all 
came.  We  must  send  for  the  upholsterer. 

Sat  [Aside]  He  hasn’t  the  least  suspicion  ! 

Jack  [Aside]  If  she  only  knew  I had  been  walking  in  my  sleep  ? 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


to 

Han  And  what  a state  the  room  is  in  ! 

Jack  [Aside]  I wish  that  girl  would  go. 

Sat  [ Looking  at  the  clock ] Half-past  ten  o’clock  ! I had  no  idea  it 
was  so  late.  % 

Jack  [Aside]  There  we  go  again  ! 

Han  La,  ma’am,  why  it’s  only  nine  ; but  I can’t  tell  how  it  is — 
master's  clock’s  two  hours  fast,  and  his  watch  four  hours  slow. 

[Bringing  forward  the  watch. 

Jack  [Taking  it  from  her]  How  it  is  ? why  nothing  can  be  simpler. 
I’ve  turned  everything  topsy  turvy.  How  could  I help  it  ? with  my 
wife’s  ankle  in  such  a state,  my  head’s  quite  gone. 

Sat  Poor  Jack  [Aside]  The  man’s  a fool.  [To  Hannah]  And  look 
at  my  beautiful  vase  broken — now,  how  came  that  ? Pick  up  those 
things,  Hannah.  [Pointing  to  braces  on  the  floor]  What  are  they  ? 

Han  Why,  it’s  master’s  braces,  I do  declare,  broke  to  bits. 

Jack  Yes,  I broke  them  on  purpose. 

Sat  On  purpose  ? 

Jack  They  were  too  short,  and — [Aside]  Why  won’t  that  girl 
go  ? 

Sat  [Aside]  It  won’t  do.  I must  double  the  dose. 

Jack  Come,  Hannah,  go  and  get  Mr.  Tinkle  his  breakfast.  You 
know  he's  waiting  ! 

Han  Yes,  only  missus  may  want  me,  perhaps. 

Jack  No,  no.  I’ll  ring  if  we  want  you. 

Han  Oh  ! very  well,  sir.  [Aside]  Only  think  of  master’s  being 
a somnamnibist ! [. Exit , door  in  flat. 

Sat  [Aside]  Oh ! you  want  a tete-a-tete , do  you  ? You  shall  have 
it,  my  friend. 

Jack  [Aside]  There  ! At  last  we  are  alone.  [Sits  r.  of  Satanel- 
la]  My  own  little  wife  ! 

Sat  What,  dear  ? 

Jack  My  own  little  wife,  I say — for  you  are  my  own  little 
wife,  ain’t  you,  dear  ? And  this  is  the  first  happy  moment  we’ve 
had  together. 

Sat  So  it  is,  dear.  I’m  all  yours,  ain’t  I dear  ? and  you’re  all 
mine.  Nothing  can  separate  us. 

Jack  Separate  us ! Don’t  talk  of  such  a thing.  Oh,  Satanella ! 
I only  wish  I had  a sprained  ankle  instead  of  you  ! A hundred 
sprained  ankles  shouldn’t  prevent  me  from— 

[Offering  to  embrace  her. 

Sat  [Stopping  him]  Do  you  like  going  about  so — with  one  boot 
and  one  slipper  ? 

Jack  Like  it  ? No,  not  at  all ! If  you’ll  allow  me,  I’ll  put  on 
the  other  boot. 

Sat  Allow  you!  What  an  idea?  Ain’t  you  my  lord  and 
master  ? 

Jack  [Aside]  Well,  I don’t  know;  [Puts  on  boot.  Aloud]  and  I 
think  I’ll  just  shave  and  dress  in  Tinkle’s  dressing-room,  while 
I'm  about  it.  A good  splash  of  cold  water  will  refresh  me. 

Sat  So  it  will,  dear.  Go  into  the  dressing-room  and  splash. 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 


23 


Jack  I’ll  get  my  things  out  of  the  cupboard,  and — [opens  the  door 
of  cupboard , r.,  and  gets  a knock  on  the  nose  from  the  other  dipper,  which 
is  hanging  to  a string]  What’s  that  ? My  other  slipper,  I declare  ! 

Sat  Your  slipper!  Why,  how  could  it  get  there? 

Jack  ’Twas  me — I put  it  there.  Before  I go  to  bed  I ah 
ways — 

Sat  Always  hang  one  of  your  slippers  by  a string  in  a cup* 
board  ? 

Jack  No  ! I mean,  I always  hang  them  both  up  on  the  floor, 
at  the  foot  of  the  bed. 

[Pulls  down  slipper , and  takes  coat,  and  waistcoat  out  of  cupboard. 

Sat  [Aside]  It’s  very  odd.  He’s  astonished  at  nothing. 

Jack  [Aside]  Confound  my  sleep-walking.  There’s  my  poor  port- 
manteau ready  packed  for  the  wedding  trip  ! [Aloud]  Now,  mind, 
if  you  want  anything,  you're  only  to  call  me.  I shall  hear  you 
in  the  dressing-room.  [Oosses  behind  to  l. 

Sat  Very  well,  dear  ; and  don’t  come  unless  I do  call.  I feel  as  if 
a little  nap  would  do  me  good. 

Jack  That’s  right,  dear.  Take  a little  nap.  [Going. 

Sat  [Pouting]  What,  sir ! Is  that  the  way  you’re  going  to  leave 
me  ? Without  even  one  little — 

Jack  [Delighted]  What ! darling  Satanella  ! you’re  an  angel ! 

[Offers  to  embrace  her • 

Sat  [Screams]  Ah  ! take  care  ! 

Jack  [Aside]  Confound  that  ankle.  [Exit,  door  in  flat. 

Sat  [Listens  for  a moment , and , as  soon  as  the  door  is  shut , jumps  up, 
removes  the  bandage  from  her  ankle,  and  paces  the  room]  A complete  fail- 
ure ! Yes — I must  double  the  dose.  First  let  me  secure  the  bell — I 
mustn’t  leave  him  such  a luxury  as  that.  I must  find  something  to 
cut  the  wire.  [Goes  to  the  cupboard,  and  finds  a pistol  on  the  shelf] 
What’s  this  ? A pistol ! Oh  ! he  has  got  a pistol,  has  he  ? Loaded, 
too — and  a cap  on — all  ready.  But  I can’t  cut  the  bell  wire  with  a 
pistol.  How  shall  I manage  ? I must  break  the  wire.  [Puts  the  pis- 
tol in  the  cupboard , and  shuts  the  door]  Let’s  see ! [Gets  on  chair , but  is 
unable  to  reach  the  wire]  I’ll  put  the  chair  on  the  bed.  I think  I 
could  reach  it  then.  [Puts  the  chair  on  the  bed  and  gets  on  it,  singing  as 
she  does  so.  Takes  the  wire  in  both  hands,  and  tries  to  break  it]  How  strong 
it  is  ! Never  mind,  with  a good  pull.  [In  pulling  the  wire  the  bell  rings] 
Holloa  ! I’ve  rung  the  bell.  If  Hannah  were  to  catch  me — 

Enter  Hannah,  door  in  flat. 

Han  Did  you  ring,  ma’am  ? 

Sat  [Aside]  I’m  caught. 

Han  Where  is  she  ? Why,  there  she  is,  I deelare  ! 

Sat  Hush,  not  a word  ! 

Han  You,  ma’am  ! Up  there? 

Sat  Not  a word,  I say.  I’ll  pay  you  for  your  silence. 

Han  Well,  but  what — ? 

Sat  Wait  a minute.  There,  [wire  breaks l it’s  done.  [Bell  rings. 


24 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Enter  Jack,  door  in  flat. 

Jack  What  is  it  ? what’s  the  matter  ? 

Han  Mercy  on  us  ! 

Sat  Heavens ! 

Jack  [ Looks  foi'  the  chair  where  he  left  Satanella,  and  not  finding  her, 
looks  round  the  room  ; at  last  sees  her ] Holloa  ! 

Sat  [Same position.']  Is  that  you,  dear? 

Jack  Me  ! yes,  it  is  me  ! what  on  earth  are  you  doing  there  ? 

Sat  My  ankle  felt  a little  better,  so  I thought  I’d  try  a little  walk. 

Jack  [Bursting  out ] A walk  ! what,  on  the  top  of  the  bed  ? Oh  ! I 
begin  to  suspect;  I see  it  at  last.  I wasn’t  the  sleep-walker,  after 
till.  [To  Satanella  and  Hannah]  You  were  the  sleep-walkers. 

[Satanella  comes  down  off  bed. 

Han  Oh,  sir,  I assure  you— 

Jack  Get  out ! 

Han  But,  sir — 

Jack  Get  out,  I tell  you ! I discharge  you  ! 

Han  Discharge  me  ! 

Jack  [Throwing  a pilloio  at  her]  Get  out,  I tell  you,  or  I’ll — [Hannah 
rushes  out  door  in  flat,  shuts  door  after  her.]  And  now,  madam,  let  us  un- 
derstand each  other  I seem  to  have  come  back  at  an  unlucky 
moment.  What  farce  is  this  that  you’ve  been  playing  ? 

Sat  [Standing  at  c.  side  of  bed , arms  folded]  Farce,  do  you  call  it  ? 
3rou’ll  find  it  a tragedy. 

Jack  What  do  you  mean  ? 

Sat  Jack  Raggett ! you’ve  trodden  upon  a woman’s  first  love — 
you’ve  spread  a black  vail  before  the  heaven  of  my  happiness — 
you’ve  killed  my  Robin  ! 

Jack  Me  ! [Going  towards  her]  Nonsense  ! 

Sat  Didn’t  you  kill  him  ? « 

Jack  Me  ! certainly  not  ; and  the  best  proof  is,  that  Robin  was  not 
killed  at  all. 

Sat  Robin  not  killed  ? 

Jack  [Checking  himself]  By  my  hand — by  my  hand.  [Aside]  What 
was  I saying  ? She  loves  him,  and  if  she  were  to  know  that  he  was 
alive — 

Sat  Jack  Raggett ! I have  sworn,  and  in  my  country  oaths  are 
feacred.  Listen  : I mean  that  each  of  your  days  shall  have  its 
catastrophe — each  hour  its  suffering.  You  will  live  upon  a bed  of 
thorns — upon  a gridiron — and  every  now  and  then  I shall  turn  you. 

Jack  What ! [Advances]  Mrs.  Raggett  ! 

Sat  Back,  assassin  ! 

Jack  Mrs.  Raggett ! 

Sat  Jack  Raggett,  you’ve  heard  your  fate  ! [Exit  doGr  l. 

Jack  Oh,  by  Jove  I this  is  beyond  everything — my  head  swims 
round — I’m  shut  up  in  a cage  tete-a-tete  with  an  untamed  lioness. 
I’ve  no  chance  with  her  ! [Drops  on  chair , r.]  There,  let  her  devour 
me. 


Enter  Tinkle,  gaily , door  in  flat 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


25 


Tin  All’s  going  on  capitally. 

Jack  The  deuce  it  is. 

Tin  Ah.  Jack  Raggett,  my  dear  friend,  I shall  have  the  house  at 
Ealing  ; Wilkins  has  given  me  ten  minutes  for  my  decision.  I know 
he’ll  take  my  terms,  and  I shall  live  calm  and  tranquil  for  the  rest 
of  my  days. 

Jack  Cal m and  tranquil!  Oh!  you  flatter  yourself,  do  you? 
And  you’ve  been  her  accomplice  all  this  time  ? 

Tin  Whose  accomplice  ? 

Jack  The  accomplice  of  the  tigress  whose  father  you  pretend  to  be. 

Tin  Pretend  to  be  ! Mr.  Raggett— 

Jack  Her  accomplice  ! own  it — let  me  have,  at  least,  a man  to 
deal  with. 

Tin  What  do  you  mean  ? Are  you  walking  in  your  sleep  again  ? 

Jack  Walking  in  my  sleep  ! No  more  of  that  nonsense — the 
vail’s  torn  from  my  eyes  ; I’ve  found  out  my  secret  enemy. 

Tin  You  have?  and  who  is  it  ? 

Jack  Your  horrible  daughter — your  daughter  whom  you  tricked 
me  into  marrying  ! 

Tin  Satanella  ! what — with  her  sprained  ankle  ? 

Jack  Sprained  ankle,  indeed  ! A pretty  fool  you've  both  been 
making  of  me. 

Tin  Well,  but  why  should  she  ? 

Jack  Why  ? To  avenge  her  Robin,  whom  she  accuses  me  of  hav- 
ing killed. 

Tin  Oh,  you’re  joking  ! 

Jack  [Seizing  him]  Joking  ! you  shall  see  whether  I’m  joking. 

Tin  Help  ! help  ! murder  ! 

Enter  Satanella,  in  walking-dress , door  l. 

Sat  What’s  the  matter  ? 

Jack  [Throws  Tinkle  from  him , who  falls  upon  a chair , near  table , R.j 
The  matter  ? Oh  ! [. Rushes  out  door  in  flat. 

Tin  Oh,  good  gracious  ! 

Sat  What’s  the  matter,  papa,  you  seem  agitated  ? 

Tin  Agitated  ! I should  rather  think  I was. 

Sat  Well,  but  what  is  it  ? 

Tin  Never  mind  ; only  let  me  get  out  of  this  den. 

Sat  But  where’s  my  husband — where’s  he  gone  ? 

Tin  Don’t  ask  me,  I've  nothing  to  do  with  it ; settle  it  amon* 
yourselves.  Good  bye  ! [Going. 

Sat  You  shall  not  go  till  you've  told  me  all. 

Tin  All ! you  want  to  know  all  ? well,  you  shall — it  isn’t  long  ; 
two  words  are  enough.  Robin’s  alive  ! 

Sat  Alive! 

Tin  He  never  fought  at  all — not  such  an  ass.  He  said  to  himself, 
“ I’ve  had  enough  of  that  Mexican  wild  cat,”  and  he  asked  that 
idiot,  Jack  Raggett,  to  come  here  and  announce  his  death,  and  Jack 
Raggett  was  idiot  enough  to — 

Sat  Robin  alive  ! Robin  capable  of  such  treachery — no— no — it’s 
impossible ! [Crosses  to  r. 


26 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  KOBIN  ? 


Tin  Impossible,  is  it?  What  if  I were  to  tell  you  that  he’s  already 
consoling  himself  with  another! 

Sat  Another  ! 

Tin  Yes  ; he’s  at  this  very  moment  paying  a visit  to  a fair  lady — 
number  ten,  Bates’  Buildings. 

Sat  Bates’  Buildings — number  ten  ! What,  in  the  next  street,  and 
not  at  Boulogne  ? 

Tin  No— he  has  changed  his  residence  ; but  not  his  morals. 

Sat  It’s  too  horrible  for  belief  ! 

Enter  Jack,  door  in  flat. 

Jack  [c.]  Mrs.  John  Raggett ; I had  five  sovereigns  in  my  purse 
this  morning  ; what  have  you  done  with  them  ? 

Sat  [Locks  the  door  of  her  own  room , l.,  and  goes  to  the  door  in  flat]  You 
shall  know  when  I return. 

Jack  Where  are  you  going  ? 

Sat  Number  ten  Bates’  Buildings.  [Exit,  door  in  flat. 

Jack  Bates’  Buildings  ! number  ten — why  how  did  she  know. 
[Turns  to  Tinkle]  This  is  your  doing — Bates’  Buildings  ! number 
ten  ! who  could  have  told  her  ? It  must’ve  been  you — Bates’  Build- 
ings ! That’s  Fanny  Pottles’s  ! what  can  she  want  there  ? 

Tin  She  want’s  Robin,  who  is  there — I saw  him  go  in  not  ten 
minutes  ago. 

Jack  [Furious]  And  you’ve  had  the  infamy  to  [Rushes  at  Tinkle 
and  shakes  him  and  then  runs  to  the  door]  Locked  ! Tinkle,  she  has  locked 
us  in  ! [Rushes  to  hell-rope , pulling  it]  Hannah ! no  bell ! broken  ! 
everything’s  broken  ! my  heart’s  broken  ! 

Tin  And  my  appointment  broken.  Wilkins  is  waiting  for  me — 
the  ten  minutes  are  gone. 

Jack  [Rushing  at  Tinkle]  You  old  scoundrel,  this  is  your  doing ! 
[Tinkle  runs,  tumbling  aver  the  furniture — Jack  pursuing  hiik — Tinkle 
sinks  into  a chair , l.  of  r.  table — Jack  into  a chair , n.  of  l.  table]  You  are 
beneath  contempt. 

Tin  I’m  glad  to  hear  it. 

Jack  [Calmly]  Tinkle,  what’s  o’clock  ? 

Tin  What’s  o’  what? 

Jack  What’s  o’clock. 

Tin  1 don’t  know — I don’t  know  anything. 

Jack  Can’t  you  look  at  the  clock  ? That’s  of  no  use  ! Where’s  my 
watch?  nor  that  either — both  wrong!  everything’s  wrong!  I’m 
wrong  ! you’re  wrong  ! my  wife’s  wrong  ! [Goes  to  window]  No  sign® 
of  her.  Tinkle,  how  long  has  she  been  gone  ? 

Tin  Gone  ! where  ? To  Bates’  Buildings  ! Oh,  I don’t  know  slit 
can’t  be  long — give  her  time — give  her  time  ! 

Jack  Time  indeed  ! Time  to  my  wife  to  go  and  see  her  inferna 
Robin — She’s  a nice  article. 

Tin  Mr.  Raggett,  my  daughter’s  incapable  of — 

Jack  She’s  capable  of  anything. 

Tin  Yes,  I believe  she  is.  [Aside]  I mustn't  ccntradict ; I don't 
want  another  shaking. 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


27 


Jack  What  on  earth  induced  you  to  tell  her  where  he  was  gone  ? 

Tin  I did  it  for  the  best — I thought  it  would  soothe  her. 

Jack  Oh,  indeed  ! and  you  thought  it  would  soothe  her  to  tell  her 
that  Robin  was  still  alive. 

Tin  Of  course  I did — my  intentions  were  good  —it  isn’t  my  fault. 

Jack  [Calmly ] Tinkle,  what’s  o’clock  ? 

Tin  I don’t  know,  my  watch  has  stopped. 

Jack  Everything’s  stopped  ; there’s  a cab  stopped.  [. Lock ] Hush  ! 
listen  ! 

Tin  She’s  unlocking  the  door. 

Jack  And  she  dares  return  ? 

Tin  Jack,  be  quiet— be  calm  and  tranquil  like  me.  , 

Jack  I will  ! [Crosses — throws  himself  into  chair,  r.  , takes  tp  a newspaper 
— puts  his  legs  on  another  chair ] She  shall  see  how  calm  I am. 

Tin  [Aside']  They’ll  murder  each  other  ! If  I could  only  get  away 
to  my  appointment. 

Enter  Satanella  in  great  agitation — looks  at  Tinkle  and  Jack — takes  off 

her  shawl  and  bonnet , throws  them  on  the  bed — comes  down  and  looks  again 

savagely  at  Tinkle  and  Jack. 

Sat  Papa,  leave  us.  [Tinkle  bolts  out , door  in  flat,  without  a word, 
slamming  door  after  him — Satanella,  after  remaining  a moment  looking  at 
her  husband,  makes  a sign  of  impatience,  then  bursts  out]  I’ve  seen  Robin, 
sir ! [Jack  takes  no  notice]  But  not  alone — he  was  with  a party  in 
Bates’  Buildings — number  ten.  They  were  just  sitting  down  to  lunch, 
sir  ; in  an  instant  I dragged  off  the  table  cloth,  and  broke  every- 
thing to  pieces ! [Jack  remains  unmoved — she  paces  the  room]  Why  did 
you  tell  me  he  was  dead  ? But  I know ; papa  has  told  me  all.  It 
was  that  little  wretch  Robin’s  doing ! The  monster  fled  from  my 
love  and  gloried  in  my  sorrow — unheard  of  cruelty!  unheard  of 
infamy  ! [Seizes  the  chair  upon  which  Jack  has  had  his  legs , and  suddenly 
sits  down  upon  it,  face  to  face  with  Jack]  Jack,  how  shall  we  kill  him  ? 

Jack  What  ? 

Sat  We've  both  been  wrong  ! I thought  you  were  his  assassin — I 
was  mistaken.  Let  us  bury  the  past  in  oblivion  ; let  us  unite  our 
powers  for  vengeance  ! [Jumps  up]  Jack  ! how  shall  we  kill  him  ? 

Jack  You  can’t  be  serious  ! 

Sat  Oh,  that  I were  in  Mexico  ! I wouldn’t  ask  your  assistance, 
there.  In  this  stupid  cold  climate,  a wife’s  honor  belongs  to  her 
husband.  A coxcomb  has  insulted  your  wife ; put  it  out  of  his 
power  to  repeat  that  insult  — kill  him ! 

Jack  My  blood  runs  cold  ! 

Sat  If  Robin  should  kill  you,  I'll  not  survive  you — with  one  hand 
I’ll  kill  him.  with  the  other  myself ! We’ll  all  three  perish  ! 

Jack  You  must  be  mad. 

Sat  Mad  ! 

Jack  You  want  me  to  fight  Robin  because  he  refused  to  marry 
you.  By  Jove  ! I only  wish  he  had. 

Sat  What ! 

Jack  Fight  him  for  that  indeed ! No,  no — not  exactly. 


28 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Sat  You  refuse  ? 

Jack  With  alacrity. 

Sat  Enough.  I only  ask  the  head  of  Robin  to  save  your  own  ; 
you  refuse  me  such  a trifle?  We’ll  say  no  more  about  it. 

Jack  What  do  you  mean  ? 

Sat  Robin  still  loves  me.  [Jack  makes  a sign  of  disbelief — aside]  Will 
nothing  pique  him — I’ll  try.  And  I love  Robin. 

Jack  What  do  you  dare  to  tell  me — ? [Seizing  her  by  the  arms]  Sat- 
auella ! Tell  me,  Satanella,  how  in  your  beloved  country — your 
adored  Mexico— do  they  treat  women  of  your  sort  ? 

Sat  You  hurt  me,  1 tell  you. 

Jack  You  refuse  to  tell  me  ? Then  I’ll  tell  you  how  we  treat  them 
in  England. 

Sat  Let  me  go. 

Jack  We  lock  them  up— we  put  them  on  bread  and  water — we 
make  them  ask  pardon. 

Sat  Never. 

Jack  On  their  knees.  [Forces  her  down  on  her  knees]  Now,  listen  to 
me.  [She  tries  to  bite  his  hand]  Don’t  bite  ! — you  thought  you’d  mar- 
ried a lamb — but  you’ll  find  out  your  mistake.  Jack  Raggett,  the 
poor  cockney,  you’ll  find  more  ferocious  than  all  the  leopards  of 
Mexico.  [N/ie  tries  to  bite]  Don’t  bite,  I tell  you. 

Sat  Oh  ! 

Jack  I give  you  one  day  to  live ; but  take  care— reflect— or  to- 
morrow, I marry  again.  Now  you  may  go. 

[Raises  her  and  throws  her  from  him . 

Sat  [Remains  a moment  immovable , looking  fiercely  around  her , on  a sudden , 
she  springs  towards  the  cupboard]  Ah  ! the  pistol. 

[Rushes  into  cupboard , k. 

Jack  Aha  ! [Rushes  after  her  and  locks  her  in]  We  lock  them  up. 

Sat  Open  the  door. 

Jack  [Taking  his  hat]  I shall  be  back  in  three  days.  It  will  give 
you  time  for  reflection. 

[As  he  is  going  out , Tinkle  enters  door  in  flat — Jack  tivists  him  round — he 
falls  on  table , L. — exit  door  in  flat. 

Tin  I knew  it — while  I was  locked  up  here — Wilkins  closed  with 
somebody  else.  I’ve  lost  the  house  at  Ealing.  [Satanella  knocks  ai 
cupboard  door]  What’s  that  ? 

Sat  Will  you  open  the  door? 

Tin  [Aside]  My  daughter  locked  up  ! [At  cupboard]  What  are  you 
doing  there  ? 

Sat  Tapa  ! papa ! open  the  door. 

Tin  Why,  who  locked  it  ? [About  to  open  door . 

Sat  Mv  husband  ! 

Tin  [Walking  away]  Oh  ! that’s  quite  another  matter. 

Set  Open,  I say. 

Tin  My  dear  child,  a father-in-law  must  never  interfere  between 
man  and  wife. 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


29 


Sat  You  refuse  ! 

Tin  It’s  a matter  of  politics— I’m  a non-interventionist.  I’ll  go 
back  to  the  agents. 

[Exit  door  in  flat , running  against  Hannah,  who  enters. 

Sol  Papa  ! What — gone  ! help — help — Hannah  ! Hannah  ! 

Enter  Hannah,  door  in  flat,  with  tray,  cloth,  knives , plates,  8{c.  Place? 
them  on  chair,  l.  of  it.  table. 

Han  What,  missus  in  the  cupboard.  Is  that  you,  ma’am  ? 

Sat  Hannah,  open  the  door. 

Han  Yes,  ma’am.  [Unlocking  door ] Why,  how  in  the  world — ? 

Sat  Thank  you,  Hannah,  thank  you.  [Hannah  lays  cloth  on  table, 
R.]  Can  I believe  my  senses  ? Was  it  really  Jack  ? I didn’t  think 
it  was  in  him.  He  mastered  me  after  all.  How  grand  he  was  in 
his  anger  ! [Turning  to  Hannah]  What  are  you  doing  there  ? 

Han  I’m  laying  the  cloth,  ma’am. 

Sat  What,  here? 

Han  Didn’t  you  say  you’d  have  dinner  here,  ma’am  ? 

Sat  Yes,  yes— this  morning  I talked  some  nonsense  of  that  sort, 
but  now — [knock  at  street  door ] — hark,  there’s  a knock  at  the  door. 

Han  Shall  I go  and  see  who  it  is,  ma’am  ? 

Sat  Of  course— fly  ! Who  can  it  be  ? [Exit,  Hannah,  d.  in  F.]  It 
can’t  be  papa — it  can’t  be  my  husband  ! If  it  should  be  Robin — yes, 
the  sight  of  me  rekindled  his  love.  Oh  ! should  it  be— it  must  be 
he  ! 

Enter  Hannah,  door  in  flat,  with  a paper. 

Han  [Down,  it]  Oh,  ma’am,  who  do  you  think  ir  is?  Mr.  Robin 
himself. 

Sat  I knew  it—  I knew  it.  Where  is  he  ? 

Han  He’s  gone,  ma'am  ; ran  away  as  fast  as  his  legs  would  carry 
him — but  he  gave  me  this  paper  for  you. 

Sat  Give  it  me,  quick.  [Hannah  lays  cloth]  I wasn't  deceived  then  ; 
he  loves  me— I triumph — and  will  spurn  him  at  my  feet ! 

Han  What’s  the  matter  now,  I wonder  ? 

Sat  What’s  this?  “ 1865— County  Court — Robin  Brittletop — Sa 
tanella  Tinkle— the  sum  of  £5  7s.  9d. — broken  china,  glass,  &c.' 
Ah  ! [Drops  into  a chair , l.  table — Hannah  running  to  her. 

Han  Oh,  ma’am,  ain’t  you  well  ? 

Tin  [Coming  in  door  in  flat  with  great  precaution , and  not  seeing  Satan- 
ella.1  Hannah,  is  she  still  in  the  cupboard  ? 

Sat  [Jumping  up  and  going  to  him ] Papa  ! [Tinkle  trying  to  run  away ] 
Stop  l ^ 

Tin  I’ll  come  again,  directly. 

Sat  No,  papa,  stop  ! Hannah  leave  us. 

Han  Yes,  ma’am.  [Exit,  door  in  flat. 

Tin  No  ; not  now,  dear — I really  can’t  stay.  I’ve  just  got  news 
of  another  villa — at  Twickenham. 

Sat  Papa,  I’m  going  to  Mexico. 

Tin  What ! with  your  husband  l 


WFI0  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


30 

Sat  I’ve  no  husband  ! 

Tin  No  husband  ! Where’s  Jack  ? 

Sat  I’ve  had  enough  of  husbands  I’m  going  to  live  all  alone  on 
a desert  island. 

Tin  If  you  can  find  one.  I wish  I could.  Desert  islands  are  rather 
scarce  now-a-days. 

Sat  And  you  shall  go  with  me,  papa. 

Tin  No,  thank  you. 

Sat  Do  you  refuse  ? 

Tin  I do. 

Sat  Enough — I go  alone, 

Tin  But,  my  dear  child — 

Sat  You’ve  no  child,  and  I've  no  father— no  husband— no  family. 
1 go — farewell.  [Exit,  door  l. 

Tin  [/Sees  her  out , then  goes  on  very  placidly ] Yes  ; I’ve  just  heard 
of  a nice  little  villa  at  Twickenham,  and  if  the  place  isn’t  too 
damp,  I’ll  take  it  at  once.  I’ve  got  an  appointment  with  the 
agent,  and— 

Enter  Jack,  door  in  flat.  Sees  the  cupboard  door , n.  open. 

Jack  Oh  ! they’ve  let  her  out— so  much  the  better.  Ah  ! ther* 
you  are. 

Tin  Yes  ; I was  just  going — 

Jack  And  so  am  I ; I’m  going. 

Tin  You — where  ? 

Jack  I don’t  know  ! Anywhere — everywhere — to  the  end  of  the 
world ! 

Tin  Another  desert  island  wanted. 

Jack  If  you  happen  to  see  your  daughter,  tell  her  I’m  dead. 

Tin  [ Quietly ] I will. 

Jack  Tell  her  that  Robin  has  killed  me.  That  will  please  her 

Tin  I will. 

Jack  Now  for  my  trunk.  [Going  into  cupboard . 

Tin  [Goes  on  with  his  speech  placidly ] Yes,  it’s  just  at  the  entrance 
of  Twickenham,  on  the  banks  of  the  Thames,  close  to  Hampton 
Court.  It’s  the  very  thing  for  me.  Now  for  the  agent. 

[Exit,  door  in  flat. 

Sat  [With  black  leather  bag , from  door , l.]  Where’s  my  shawl  and 
bonnet  ? 

Jack  [With  portmanteau,  from  cupboard]  Where’s  my  “Bradshaw?’* 

Sat  Oh ! here  they  are.  [Taking  them  from  the  bed. 

Jack  [Finding  book  on  mantlepiece ] Oh  ! here  it  is. 

Sat  You  here? 

Jack  [Surprised]  There  you  are  1 

Sat  Are  you  going  away  ? 

Jack  I am. 

Sat  And  so  am  I. 

Jack  Where  are  you  going  ? 

Sat  Wherever  you’re  not. 

Jack  Just  my  notion.  [*$*&  at  table,  a. , and  searches  Bradshaw. 


who  mum  cock  mmn 


ai 


Sat  I'm  going  to  Devonshire. 

Jack  Quite  right — a warm  climate.  I’m  going  to  Aberdeen. 

Sat  The  best  place  for  you— among  the  grouse. 

Jack  What  train  are  you  going  by  ! 

Sat  The  express. 

Jack  Express—  Plymouth — there’s  none  till  eight  o clock. 

Sat  No  ? 

Jack  Let's  look  at  the  Great  Northern.  Confound  it,  nothing 
till  8.30.  • 

Sat  What  shall  I do  till  eight  o’clock  ? 

Jack  [Jumping  up ] A capital  idea!  I’ll  go  and  dine — that’ll  fill  up 
the  time.  [Takes  portmanteau. 

Sat  At  the  station  ? So  will  I.  [Takes  up  her  bag. 

Jack  I wish  you  a pleasant  afternoon. 

Sat  Ditto.  [Both  go  to  the  door  in  flat,  bow  to  each  other  to  pass.]  Oh,  sir  l 
Jack  After  you,  madam. 

Enter  Hannah,  with  soup , door  in  flat. 

Han  [At  door]  Here’s  the  soup,  ma’am.  [Takes  it  to  table , r. 

Jack  Soup  ? It  smells  nice. 

Han  Oh,  it’s  first-rate,  sir. 

Sat  [Aside]  I shall  stop  here.  [Puts  her  bonnet  and  shawl  on  the  bed . 
Jack  [Putting  down  his  trunk]  I think  I’ll  take  a little  soup. 

[l.  of  r.  table. 

Sat  [r.  o/r.  table]  What ! are  you  going  to — 

Jack  Oh,  I beg  your  pardon  1 were  you — 

Sat  Yes  ; I couldn’t  very  well  dine  at  the  station  alone. 

Jack  [Taking  up  his  trunk  again]  You’re  quite  right.  Take  the 
soup.  I wish  you  a pleasant  journey.  [Exit  door  in  flat. 

Sat  Thank  you — same  to  you.  What,  has  he  really  gone  ? Nev- 
er mind,  I’ll  have  my  dinner.  [Takes  soup]  Horrid  soup — I’m  not  in 
the  least  hungry.  [Throws  down  the  spoon]  And  why  should  1 go  to 
Devonshire  ?— its  ridiculous  ! Why  should  I go  at  all  ? Besides,  I 
know  Devonshire  by  heart.  Why  shouldn’t  I go  to  Aberdeen  too  1 
— I’m  very  fond  of  grouse.  Oh  ! that  little  wretch  Robin  ! Here 
have  I been  doing  all  this  to  avenge  his  death,  while  he  was  sueing 
me  in  the  county  court — the  monster ! 

Jack  [Outside]  Get  me  a cab,  Hannah,  as  fast  as  you  can. 

Sat  [Sitting  at  table,  r.]  It’s  his  voice — he’s  coming  back.  I'm  so 
glad  ! 

Jack  [Entering  door  in  flat]  I beg  your  pardon,  madam — it’s  raining 
cats  and  dogs.  You’ll  not  object  to  my  waiting  here  while  Hannah 
fetches  me  a cab  ? 

Sat  Certainly  not,  and  if  you’re  hungry  you’ll  find  the  soup  excel- 
lent. 4 

Jack  Oh  ! is  it  ? 

Sat  And  if  you’re  not  afraid  of  being  poisoned — 

Jack  [Alarmed]  Eh  ? [Laughing]  What  an  idea  1 
Sat  Sit  down. 

Jack  With  pleasure— that  is- -no.  I've  seen  too  many  plays 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


as 

where  husbands  and  wives  who  had  quarrelled  had  the  imprudence 
to  dine  together,  and  had  the  folly  to  make  it  up  with  each  othei 
before  the  cheese.  Now  that's  not  at  all  the — cheese  for  me. 

Sat  \Offering  soup ] Do  you  refuse? 

Jack  No,  not  exactly  ; but  with  your  permission  I'll  take  my 
plate  a little  way  off. 

Sat  Where  ? 

Jack  On  this  table.  [Takes  liis  plate , and  sits  at  table,  L. 

Sat  As  you  please.  Hadn't  you  better  take  it# on  the  mat  ? 

Jack  Thank  you,  no,  I shall  do  here.  But  tell  me — what  are  you 
going  away  for  ? 

Sat  Because  I can't  stay  where  you  are. 

Jack  But  I'm  going,  too,  so  you  can  stop. 

Sat  What  ! all  alone  ? 

Jack  No  ; with  your  father  and  the  murdered  Robin — 

Sat  Oh  ! if  you  mean  to  insult  me — 

Jack  Why,  didn’t  you  tell  me  not  ten  minutes  ago  that  you  loved 
him  still  ? 

Sat  But  you  didn’t  believe  me.  You  know  me  well  enough  to 
guess  that  I’m  not  the  woman  to  love  a man  who  insults  me. 
Won’t  you  have  a glass  of  wine  ? [ Pours  one  out. 

Jack  Thank  you.  [Takes  it  to  table , i. 

Enter  Hannah,  with  a partridge  on  dish. 

Han  I beg  pardon,  ma’am,  for  keeping  you  waiting  ; but  master 
sent  me  to  fetch  a cab.  [To  Jack.]  It’s  at  the  door,  sir. 

Jack  [Putting  down  his  glass]  Oh  ! very  well.  Madam,  I — 

Sat  Hannah,  leave  us. 

[Hannah  exits , taking  soup  tureen , door  in  flat. 

Jack  Now,  madam,  you’ll  excuse  me  if — 

Sat  One  moment — oh  ! don’t  be  alarmed,  I’m  not  sroing  to  act  out 
the  scene  of  the--cheese  ; but  before  you  go,  some  little  explanation 
is  necessary. 

Jack  Not  at  all ! 

Sat  Oh,  you’ve  plenty  of  time.  What  does  it  matter,  whether  you 
dine  here  or  at  the  station  ? [Helping  him \ Take  a bit  of  partridge  ? 

Jack  I do  feel  a little  hungry — have  you  any  bread?  [Carries plate 
to  table,  L.]  But  don’t  let  us  have  any  explanation  now. 

[At  table , L. 

Sat  [After  a short  pause]  I was  a little  passionate;  but  have  you 
nothing  to  reproach  yourself  with  ? 

Jack  Oh,  yes,  a great  deal ! I was  first  to  blame — I’d  no  busi 
ness  to  undertake  such  a ridiculous  mission  ; I confess  I was  wrong, 
and  am  sorry.  Were  you  to  say  to  me,  “ Prisoner  at  the  bar,  guil-. 
ty  or  not  guilty  ?” — I should  reply  boldly,  “ Guilty.” 

Sat  You  lent  yourself  to  a disgraceful  hoax,  for  the  sake  ol 
wounding  a woman’s  feelings. 

Jack  No,  no — not  so. 

Sat  Then  what  was  your  object  ? 

, Jack  Well,  I confess  that  Robin  said  such  horrid  things  about  you, 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN? 


that  I’d  an  irresistible  curiosity  to  see  you.  The  more  a woman’* 
abused,  the  more  one  longs  to  know  her. 

Sat  What?  [ Very  sweetly]  Take  another  glass  of  wine. 

Jack  With  pleasure.  [Oosscs  to  R.  table . 

Sat  \Drinking\  Think  of  the  situation  you  placed  me  in.  1 believ- 
ed you  we  Robin’s  assassin,  and  in  that  belief,  what  would  you  have 
had  me  do  ? 

Jack  [. Ironically ] You  should  have  sent  for  the  police. 

Sat  How  should  I know  that? 

Jack  Instead  of  which,  you  say  to  yourself,  “The  man  s a scoun- 
drel, I’ll  marry  him.  If  I put  him  in  prison,  he  may  escape  ; but 
marriage,  there’s  no  escape  from  that.” 

Sat  Oh,  yes,  there  is.  You  see  yourself,  you’re  going  to  escape  it 
this  moment. 

Jack  Escape,  do  you  call  it  ? Can  I give  to  another  the  name 
which  I’ve  already  given  to  you  ? Impossible.  I may  forget  you, 
certainly,  though  that  will  take  some  time.  Oh  ! I know  what  I’m 
talking  about.  Why,  this  very  morning  I loved  you.  Oh  ! I con: 
fessit.  The  very  faults  of  some  women  make  you  love  them  the 
more  ; and  that  was  your  case.  You  wept  with  rage  when  I left  you, 
and  I wept,  like  a fool,  as  I was,  with  regret,  with  love.  Oh  ! it’s 
stupid  enough,  but  so  it  was — men  are  such  fools — but  it’s  ah  over 
now. 

Sat  [ Without  answering  him , runs  and  opens  window , l.  Throws  tnoney 
out]  Coachman,  theie’s  half-a-crown  for  you — go  away. 

Jack  Go  away  ? why  that’s  my  cab  ! 

Sat  Jack,  don’t  p-o — I love  you  ! 

Jack  What  ? 

Sat  You  mustn’t  go. 

Jack  What  ! I mustn’t  ? 

Sat  I ask  pardon  upon  my  knees.  ] ttneding. 

Jack  [Kneeling]  You,  on  your  knees! 

Sat  I was  wrong,  I own  it. 

Jack  No,  not  at  all,  it  was  me. 

Sat  No — forgive  me. 

Jack  Forgive  you  ! — and  your  sprained  ankle? 

Sat  [Smiling]  Quite  well. 

Jack  You’ll  never  have  another  ? 

Sat  Never.  - 

Jack  My  dear  little  wife  ! 

Sat  My  darling  husband  ! [They  embrace  kneeling 

Enter  Tinkle,  door  in  flat. 

Tin  Good  gracious ! they’re  murdering  each  other. 

Jack  [Getting  up]  No,  quite  the  contrary. 

Sat  Oh,  papa  ! I adore  my  husband  ! 

Jack  I idolize  my  wife  ! 

Tin  Nonsense. 

Jack  Yes,  I think  she’s  quite  un-Mexicanized. 

Tin  So  much  the  better  ; for  I just  came  to  tell  you  that  Tv* 
cettl'ed  for  Twickenham. 


34 


WHO  KILLED  COCK  ROBIN  ? 


Enter  Hannah,  door  in  flat. 

Han  [To  Jack]  Sir,  your  cab’s  driven  away  ; shall  I fetch  another  * 

Jack  Yes,  get  one  for  father-in-law  ; he  wants  to  take  away  his 
things. 

Tin  And  now  I hope  we  shall  be  calm  and  tranquil. 

Sat  Oh,  yes,  papa,  quite  tranquil.  Eh,  Jack — you  are  not  afraid 
of  me,  are  you  ? I know  I’m  passionate,  but  it’s  soon  over  again, 
isn’t  it,  dear  ? 

Jack  Yes,  and  it  comes  soon  over  again,  dear. 

Sat  [To  Audience ] Ladies  and  Gentlemen!  don’t  judge  me  too 
harshly.  If  I’ve  been  a tigress  to-night,  you  must  blame  the  author 
and  not  me.  At  home,  I can  assure  you,  I’m  a perfect  lamb.  [ Turn - 
iwjto  Jack]  Ask  him!  No,  perhaps  he’s  not  exactly  the  one  to  apply 
to ; but  believe  me,  in  spite  of  my  talk  about  daggers  and  pistols, 
in  reality,  I should  not  have  the  heart  to  kill  even  a poor  little 
“ Cock  Robin.” 

Hannah  Jack.  Satan.  Tinklb. 

B.  c.  &. 


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Love  and  Honor 
On  the  Clyde 
Mary’a  &ream 
Fame 


Bitter  Reckoning 
Eileen  Oge 
Bathing 
An  Old  Score 
My  Sister  from  India 
Maria  Martin 
Among  the  Relics 
Nabob  for  an  Hour 
An  Old  Man 
Village  Nightingale 
Our  Nelly 
Partners  for  Life 
Chopstick  and  Spikins 
Chiselling 

Birds  in  their  Little  Nests 
Pretty  Predicament 
Seven  Sins 
Insured  at  Lloyd’s 
Hand  and  Glove 
Keep  Your  Eye  on  Her 
Jessamy’s  Courtship 
False  Alarm 
Up  in  the  World 
Parted 

One  in  Hand,  &c. 

Little  Sunshine 


Who’ll  Lend  me  a Wife 

Extremes  Meet 

Golden  Plough 

Sweethearts 

Velvet  ahd  Rags 

Cut  for  Partner 

Love's  Alarms 

An  Appeal  to  the  Feelings 

Tale  of  a Comet 

Under  False  Colors 

Heroes 

Philanthropy 

Little  Vixens 

The  Coming  Woman 

Telephone 

Too  Late  to  Save 

Just  My  Luck 

Grateful  Father 

Happy  Medium 

Sole  Survivor 

Neck  or  Nothing 

Popplctons  Predicaments 

Auld  Acquaintance 

Weeds 

White  Pilgrim 
Dentist’s  Clerk 


ARTICLES  NEEDED  BY  AMATEURS, 

Sucn  as  Tableaux  Lights,  Magnesium  Tableaux  Lights,  Prepared  Burnt 
Cork,  Grease,  Paints,  Lightning  for  Private  Theatricals. 


Jarley’s  Wax  Works,  Ethiopian  Plays,  Charades,  Amateur’s  Guide,  Guide  to 
the  Stage. 

OSTE'W'  CATALOGUE  SENT  FREE. 


S.  FRENCH  Sc  SON, 

38  E,  14th  Street , TJnion  Square , JV.  T . 


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